°☼○When It All Started○☼°

I think I Finally Found My Love

2011-11-17T00:00:00.001+03:00

I've never been one of those kids who figured out what they wanted since they were five. I actually thought that's a little bit stupid, and a lie. How can someone with the mind of a 5 years old figure out what they wanna be in life?

Never mind. I'm sure if I did a study on people who worked what they thought about when they were kids below 18 years old are less than 20% of my sample :p. So to be honest, I've hated to be focusing on one field. How life would be immensely awesome if I could work a completely different profession every month *dreamy look*.

Of course this is impossible. So when I reached high school, last two years, thinking so hard what would be the awesomest thing to study??? Not because I wanna help people -God I hate this annoying stupid answer so very much- and definitely not because I love medicine (internal medicine باطنة) and not surgery! I know what you're thinking of; "What the fuck is this girl doing here?" And the answer is, I chose medicine because I believed at that time that it's the only field where you get to learn so very many things. And hell yea I learned so many things, but I don't promise you that I still remember any.

Anyhow, so yea now that I established that I disliked (not real hatred) medicine and surgery, that are the sole purpose of the existence of med school and got you asking what I'm doing here, I think I ought to give a detailed answer.

I never thought ahead for further than 2 years. I just can't. So when I graduated from high school, all I ever cared about is choosing something that I'll enjoy learning. Regardless of the job and other stuff. I was such a hopeless nerd you know :\. Three years passed and whenever I looked around I found people already deciding what they wanna choose for a career and I'm like shit, am I in the right place? How come I never felt close to something or loved something? Well I did loved nervous system module. But then later I decided it's a no no because it falls under either medicine or surgery. I'm a lazy-minded woman I just can't do any of those!

And then the horrible thing happened after the third year and I began to question if those three years where a complete waste of time? During the fourth year I thought about forensics a lot, but I guess it did need a stone-hearted person. I was just hard-hearted at times. Not stone though :p. So the year passed, vacation passed, and we began family medicine. Needless to say, it was a 5 weeks long nightmare. And even if I had the least intention of ever choosing it (because of financial issues :p) it was gone before I know it due to the amazing professional attitude of the doctors *sarcasm*.

Anesthesia was the-most-amazing-course after the CNS module in third year. It's such a shame that an awesome course as anesthesia is only 2 weeks long :(. They were just SOOOOOOO organized! After the horror movie that is called family medicine I craved a huge dose of organization. Tiny little note about their organization, you know how I always comment about printed power points and viewed word files?? And how it makes me tick to see docs misusing them? Well the anesthesia docs happen to copy-paste the lecture in a word file so it would be easy on the eye when you study *faints* The funny thing, actually sad, even after what docs done and copy pasting, I found some girls printing the damned presentations and studying from them. When a girl asked them "why do you study from the ppt and not the word? They're both available" the girl answered that the ppt has more space and this gives the illusion of little to study.

=______________=

Needless to say that I wanted to stab that idiot! Really??? REALLY???? You've been permanently KAUized. The damage is done!

So after two weeks of a sweet dream that's called anesthesia, we woke up to experience yet another lovely dream that is called psychiatry. And people, I fell in love. It's just amazing how mind works. How drugs work, how some elements have a huge role on the creation of the illness, it's just plain awesome! You know the medical student who've seen some rare case and instead of feeling sorry for the patient they involuntarily felt happy that they encountered such a case before they die? Well I feel the exact same.

So many people say that psychiatry is horrible for millions of reasons. Some people say I'll end up being crazy if I ever chose it. I remember Mom reactions whenever I came up with a suggestion.

"I wanna be a neurologist!! :D"

"Are you actually gonna treat people or just diagnose them? What's the point?"

"I wanna be a forensic doctor :D. That's final :D"

"WHAT???? YOU WANNA HAVE GANGS AUCTIONING YOUR HEAD?"

"Okay Mom, last thing, and I won't change it, I wanna be a psychiatrist :D."

"And end up with the patients in the same ward?"

But STILL, this is the only thing I'm passionate about -and genetics, I just realized, but never thought of it as a profession!- for now. It feels so good to find your lost love :p. I feel home again! I dunno how but at least when someone asks me next time "What do you wanna be?" I'd have an answer to shove it up their noses.*

Oh and read this doc's posts on medscape. She also has her own blog. But read the medscape one. Good night.

Yusuf Estes

2011-10-30T21:48:00.000+03:00

I never heard about this man before! I just got a mail from my brother giving me this video below and he's like "I thought it might be of your interest" and out of no where I was crying and obviously it was of my interest!!

It just amazes me -every time, as if it's the first time- when I hear about the story of how someone converted to Islam. This Sheikh and this guy here really really amazed me because how would think that the bible would be what lead you to Islam? It's not that complicated when they started talking about it, but it still is amazing how it worked out with them!!!

And when he said that after all this confusion, was this "Please God, if you exist, guide me."

And it changed after that! It just changed. I find it most inspiring to Muslims and spiritual non-Muslims to watch videos like these, I'm not the best of Muslims... NOT AT ALL!! And I really needed a huge dose of Eman and I got it. Right before I sleep. And it would be most impolite not to share it with all of you. If you liked the video, share it, you might inspire someone (Muslim or not).

Good night and enjoy.

Sedate and Relax

2011-10-17T23:37:00.001+03:00

Oh anesthesia. Oh how I love you. You're such an interesting branch. Too scary but I still love you. I fear you!! I really do!! But that won't stop me from loving you.

This was supposed to be rhymed and sung but since I suck at both, well there you go.

Today was the first day in anesthesia. The first day after whole five weeks of stupid motivational pip talk that is called family medicine. I'm not sure how they got the title of medicine. They don't deserve it! Actually, in the first or second lecture we learned that it was called family practice and was changed to medicine later. Narcissistic assholes. Best thing is that the 5 weeks long nightmare is over now. I'm still scared. We we discussing few issues today and the module coordinator said that we sucked so bad and that every girl got a much higher grade than what she deserves and that we're the worst among all previous batches. Oh how I want to slap him! That liar. If there's anyone who deserve the title of queen of nerdness then this batch girls would win it effortlessly!! And there he goes saying we were the worst! Not just bad, but the worst!!! Narcissistic assholes! The whole department is made out of these people! *If I talked about my fantasy fights with them it'll take another long post*

I don't really have to tell you how my exams went. They both sucked. The OSCE and the written. The OSCE exam was made of 6 stations. The last of these stations was the log book validity. Basically the doc reads your log book, asks you questions, see if you're the one who took the case and managed it or whatever or not. They don't know obviously that I have a gold fish memory! I have amnesia and I don't remember anything at all! I didn't remember anything back then too!

So I started with the diabetic patient counseling, or consultation. You know that the department suck big time when the rotation ends without poor student knowing the real difference between counseling and consultation. Best thing that the simulating patients (interns) were helping us A LOT. She asked me more than me talking to her which was really good. There was no awkward silence that is absolutely hated during these times. But have no fear darlings, all this absence of awkward silence was well-compensated for in the next stations.

The second room I got into was about breaking bad news to a patient who is newly diagnosed with breast cancer. Dudes and dudettes, you have no idea how many times have we practiced this! Twice with the doctors on two separate occasions and once or twice alone. Yet, I had the worst mental block I could ever get!! No really! It was horrible. I never wanted to be swallowed and buried down like that day! You know after telling the diagnosis the doctor must pause to give the patient time to absorb the information. And as Jameela said; we paused, and paused, and then paused again. And I guess that I took only 90 seconds to deal with the thing. The rest of it was the most horrible awkward silence ever! I was even relieved when the bell rang. I mean screw this! It felt stupid and horrible!

The third station was patient with backache, perform examination. I did what I know. Then the doc said there's something missing. We exchanged looks until the bell rang. I fucking hate these moments. Couldn't feel more horrible wallahi!

The fourth station was counseling or consultation to a HTN patient. I'm like bored and consumed and I no longer care what I look/sound like. Again there was awkward silence, it's then when the patient/intern started to ask questions (helping of course) and it went on smoothly.

Then the fifth station. HEADACHE EXAMINATION! Now maybe I'm an idiot, but I'm not really well acquainted with headache examination! So I improvised. It can't get any worst after all, can it? It was messy, not organized, and I did what I thought it was good. And left!

LAST STATION! log shit validity. It was Dr. Ekram. Oh dear lord how I freaked out! She asked me about the 2 months old vaccines, I answered enthusiastically because obviously this was the only info I was sure of! Then she asked what's the difference between IM polio and oral. I answered in the most casual way *I even shocked myself* "don't know :\." Then it went on as a discussion more than a real test and she opened the log book, and picked the worst case, badly written one! And asked me about. I gave her the I'm-too-lazy-to-comprehend-what-you're-saying look. Then she asked "How much do you think you got?"

"Out of kam?"

"Out of 5 let's say."

"I dunno maybe 2?? :\"

"Okay ma3a alsalama :)... Oh one last question what are the ROM criteria (bell rings) for diagnosing IBS?"

*Sighing heavily*

"أنقزك الجرس!!!!" = "saved by the bell"

And I gave her a weak yellow fake smile and dragged myself to the post exam room.

And I cried. Honestly, it had nothing to do with grades as much as it had to do with the MAJOR EMBARRASSMENT!! But meeeeeeeeeeeh. It's all over now. Pray we pass! I'm that humble in my wishes :p o:).

As for anesthesia, though the title was meant to be for an anesthesia post, let's postpone that, shall we? Oh anesthesia is way too awesome to be talked about here with the family medicine post!!! It should be sung in a well composed song by Adele. Oh yes this is how much I love anesthesia. Even though I'll never ever be an anesthesiologist. Ever! EVER! But I love it. Very much <3

Have a good night sleep and salam :D.

4th Week in Family Medicine

2011-10-01T21:17:00.000+03:00

So today is the first day of the fourth week. Do you have any idea how creepy that is ಠ_ಠ (Anamil's favorite smiley)? that means next week is our finals! Yea doesn't feel good :S. Today also was the second day in the second PHC (Primary Health Care) center. Last three weeks we were in Prince Abdulmajeed Dist. PHC center and now we're in the National Guard PHC center. I've heard about NGH and I had NOOOOOOOOO idea that the PHC center is just as strict! From the first day we were divided into groups and given the schedules and all. Well I was in a PHCC before and I did NOTHING! merely one step of Hx or Ex but NOT THE WHOLE THING! And the docs were super lax there. Not that we took advantage of them Wallahi but we didn't more than expected! And the horror began today when everyone was in her subgroup. And I began with GP clinics. So the doc assigned each girl to a clinic. I am a very insecure girl when it comes to be thrown ALONE. Even if it's being thrown alone in a room! I freaked out. I understood what's happening and I freaked out more! The doc planned to throw us in the sea to learn how to swim in a the most non-delightful way! :(

I stood outside the clinic praying that it's some sort of a prank and the doc will come at least to assist me when I space out and forget something. Instead, the doc came and said "Behave as a doc and speak with me only in English." She didn't say it in an offending way but Behave as a doc? What was I doing earlier? belly dancing?

Anyhow, the nurse came and said "do you want me to call the patient?" The horror shown on my face. Can you call the doc instead??? I suppressed my shouts for help! I could see -or I might have imagined- her suppressed smile! Dunno really. I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat but that was super difficult! She gave me the patient's file. Thank you! Yes I can read files. I can read Hieroglyphic too!!

The nurse called the patient and I tried to calm myself. Fadiah dude calm down you took care of patients before!!! I think it's was the setting that freaked me out! In a ward I get to enter the patient's room. I dunno but I guess it felt like I can ditch the patient whenever I want to. But in a clinic, the patient comes in, and suddenly you feel that there's no way out! I know what you're thinking, my brain is functioning in a weird way. The patient came in and I took her Hx, what is supposed to be Hx I'm really not sure what I asked O_O. It was the shortest, most defective Hx I could ever get. AAAAAAAAAH! And the Exammmmmmmmmm!!! My lord it sucked big time! Then the patient went out because she heard the other nurse calling on her daughter and she wanted to check on her, so I'm like OK, I'll be here. The doc came in a minute or so and gave me a look of blame and said "Where is the patient??!!!" I swear I didn't kill her! "She left to check on her daughter." Said Fadiah with the weakest voice ever.

Doc: "Tell me the Hx."

Me: "Blah blah............."

"And?"

*Looking at the ceiling and noticing all the cracks and different colors on the walls* "Blah blah...."

"Differential?"

Please please God help me not to look like an idiot! I really hate differentials I always suck at them.

"This and that??"

I don't remember what happened next. Oh yes, she got me a family R4 lovely doc. She is the nicest thing ever and she helped me a lot. Then all of a sudden she gave me the patient's file and said "Fill it up."

"WHAT?" Again, another panic attack.

"You took Hx and did Ex, write it down."

"I'm only a fifth year student, are you sure it's okay?" Said the really desperate Fadia-with-an-H. This is my new nickname by Anamil. Unconsciously spreading awareness of how to correctly spell my name :p.

"Just write it down, I'll sign."

Me surrendering to the fact that I have to write it all down and did it. But I don't guarantee it looked nice! I'm sure it's super messy and someone is checking the file and saying "WTH??" but again, whatever!! The rest of the visit was okay. Then we went back to the college and prepared for our presentation. It's then when I got another panic attack and I began to sing "Follow the yellow brick road" I don't really know why, but I guess I needed to sing a fast rhythm song or whatever.

Anyhow the girls started presenting, I was the last, and at 13:50 the doc said I only have 10 minutes. I hated her!! WHYYYYYYYY?? It's not like I had plenty to say but I didn't want her to force me with those 10 minutes. A control freak -as my friend loves to say e7m e7m- doesn't like to be controlled. I did good. Al7amdellah and the girls were pleased, SHE however didn't say anything as if she's gonna die if she said it was nice! Ha!! Die!! What a lovely idea at the moment!

Random thoughts:

-Other friend of mine believes I'd make a good teacher, an Ablah!!! Yea I hate medicine I might wanna specialize in Anatomy or something :p.

-When I saw my pics I laughed my ass off, first the four of us -the presenters- were on the stage as if we're prisoners. Yea some drama! The doc wanted to ask us few questions and stuff. And laterrrrrrrr I realized I was doing like this dude in the pic, my hands were on a lower level though.

I. FELT. HABLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Hahahahaha but those pics shall always be a good reason to laugh. 'Cause OH MY GOD the looks on our faces were simply priceless.

I'm thankful to everyone who either videotaped us or took pics and for all the girls who really lifted up our moods before, during and after the presentation.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand finally I'd like to tell you all that I'm taking the night off. Yea this is my way of rewarding myself hahaha.

Long Time No Post

2011-09-11T21:20:00.000+03:00

I'm not sure what should i be talking about. It's been REALLY long time!!! Since I shared the lovely info of me passing fourth year, nothing else seemed so important :p. Nothing much happened. I went to hometown, stayed there 3 weeks. Came back to Jeddah. Took Umrah. Back to Jeddah :p. Went to Almadinah (here comes the fun), and finally back to Jeddah for the last time.

Our trip to Almadinah was supposed to be spiritual and fun!! Oh, but well, grumpy people don't cheer up because they have to after all :p. Those were really difficult two days but I managed to have fun! I don't really know how! I even forgot what happened that upset me when I was there :p.

Took so many pics, will upload whatever that is uploadable on my flickr and post it here insha Allah :D.

So I worked on this 1000 pieces puzzle. I worked on them twice before this time. And guess what, someone somewhere put them in the box and I always had to start over. It always caused me little infarctions! Ah, what can I say? So this time I started again, with vigor and enthusiasm and guess what happened? I almost reached the ending, but last weekend we asked Abbood (my youngest bro) to bring Fofi's cart. So he did. IN MY ROOM!!! And Fofi came in so excited and pushed the )(*#^& cart toward the board on which I put the puzzle pieces, and the next thing I know, a huge triangle of the low left angle was disconnected again. I left the room and I couldn't work on it again. I just can't. There's no picture for it because my heart won't let me hahaaha.

About my studies, we started family medicine. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanted to start pedia or OB, but Allah knows best. Last year we started ENT and ophtha when I wanted SOOOO bad to start the clinical skills module. I on'y hated it because I believe a student's enthusiasm should be drained by bulky subjects. Not light ones like ophtha and ENT! AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, I don't mean at all that family medicine is light. I'm just saying that OB and pedia are probably worth draining energy and enthusiasm on. But then again, Allah knows best. Hope it all turn out to the best I'm just way too exhausted already =_=.

Last but not least, I have a Filipino friend who'd like to convert, and I'd like to gather all info and important booklets about Islam and give it to her :). Please bloggers help!!! I'd also love to email her few links -preferably in Tagalog- about how to pray and the meaning and purpose behind every act of worship.

Thank you lovelies :*. And see you later.

_______________________________
Note: I tried uploading the pics but something went wrong. This new picnik is driving me crazy. Promise you I'll post them in flickr inshallah soon :).

Guess Who's Back??

2011-08-04T10:21:00.000+03:00

Hello my dearest loveliest readers :D. I must apologize for not posting for a very long time (if you care). I've been either busy, lazy, or blank. There wasn't much to talk about. My last post was about my OSCE so let me update you.

With all thanks given to Allah I've happily and proudly passed this hideous horrible year. Alhamdolillah! My scores were really high considering the lost world I've lived for the three years before this one! I'm thankful that I learned my lesson even though it was the very hard way!! *read my really old posts if you dunno what I'm talking about*

I went to my hometown. Stayed two weeks and went back to lovely, hot, damp Jeddah. I missed it and I love it with all its negatives. Hehehe. And Ramadan Karim all!! I'm not the first to say it, that I must confess, but at least I said it :p.

So I don't really have something to talk about in particular!! I've watched few movies and read few books. This post is gonna be a mash-up I'm telling you from now hehehe. I watched Incendies recommended by dear Khaleda. If you have a weak heart I strongly suggest that you don't watch it :D. The only reason I didn't weep was that my sister was sleeping right next to me. But yea I guess after all it's a must watch.

The books I read, I guess they're all three after all :\. I don't remember when did this laziness progress, but it's dangerous indeed!!!! The first book was in Arabic. I guess I found a translation for it once I'm not sure. I'll search again if you ask :p. The book's name is حوار مع صديقي الملحد = conversation with my atheist friend. Written by Dr. Mustafa Mahmoud may he rest in peace. Now I've seen the book first in my friend's -Maria- blog. She wrote about it. I was mesmerized but again, busy/lazy mental state and I forgot about it. Until few weeks back when another friend emailed it to me. I don't even know how she knew I wanted it :|. So I read it. And my oh my. You know as Muslims (probably born Muslims) you take things as it is. You never think why, or how, or what's the point of this or that. 'Cause mostly you think it might show some disrespect to Allah if you question His teachings. But somehow, these questions one way or another cross our minds. And they better get some satisfying answers before it's too late or too complicated, unless your faith is unshaken mashallah and you don't really need justifications. This book, might not answer most of these questions that cross our minds, but it answers the important ones at least. And the fact that he -Dr. Mustafa Mahmoud- was skeptical himself made him even more credible to write what he did. I say it's a must read whether you're skeptical or a strong believer, I really believe this book would benefit us all, provides us some really strong cut to the point answers when we're struck by a question and forces us to contemplate over every single thing. 'Cause I believe answers come easily to those who've searched a lot! I've never been this happy after finishing a book nor enthusiastic like I am with this one. I'm now more inclined to read all his books!!

The other two books were novels. I read first, Curtain. Agatha Christie never ever ever fails to entertain me!!! This woman is a really piece of work. I won't be much surprised if I learned later that she murdered few people and nobody knew about them :\. Now if you're familiar with Agatha and her list of novels then you probably knew that Curtain is her last book. And Poirot's last case too. And maybe I'm an idiot, but even with the fact that it's his last book I never guessed who did it :p. But if you never read for her, then I suggest you read anything but the last. You have to accustom your mind and thinking to her style first.

The last book that took really a very long time, is Chromosome 6. Read it like at the beginning of the year in Med07's library. But never came back for it. And remembered it only few weeks ago too. It's a really entertaining book especially if you're a medical student.

The other thing I'd like to share since I'm having a serious trouble with finding ebooks with the .epub format, I must say that I came across a really lovely post from a guy/girl today and I'm so happy and proud to have made my first epub book hehehehe. With the cover too :p.

Also, inspired by the lovelies Asmaa and Khaleda I decided to unpuzzle my puzzle that I kept on hiding for almost three years now. Wish no one messes with it or I'll go grenades over his head >_>.

This is pretty much it. No Ramadan spirit showing? Well I must admit that my period started with the month, my circadian rhythm is completely messed up, so there you go. It won't feel like Ramadan until my period ends :p. But have a nice spiritual month and pray for all of us. And don't forget to donate to Somalia :).

Mwaah take care. ♥♥

Early Vacation Rants

2011-06-22T01:59:00.000+03:00

YELLOOOOOOOOW BLOGGERS!!! How's everyone? Really? Is you okay? Is you? Good, 'cause I wanted to know! *Guess who said that and you'll be earning two points :p*

First, I'd like to welcome Dr. Shagufta for starting blogging. Be patient, her blog is half empty now. But start following all :D.

So guys, I didn't tell you how everything went and somehow I feel obligated. Not that any of you cares *Prove me wrong* but I feel the need to write it all down. Yesterday was my final OSCE wohooooo. And I was super nervous because there's a high chance of looking like an idiot. Even though the examiner should be as silent as a table. But I was still nervous about it.

I slept two hours only. I was in the morning group. So I thought we'll get done fast. But we didn't. The exam started like 9 when it was supposed to start at 8 sharp. What can I say!!! So when we started I looked like a lost puppy. There were four stations. I went to #4, then #3, then a girl just entered room #3 and the doc in there *Siraj Wali ♥* said "Girl, RELAX. The exam is super easy. It's a test for minds." He wore the most impressionless face ever. How could I believe him? I was freaked out.

I entered room #4. I dunno the doc's name. It was examination of chronic liver disease. I'm like "yaaay, I just revised that!" But somehow, every step I make, every move was interrupted by the doc's commands "Doctora, please perform a focused examination." "Doctora, please focus." "Doctora, don't you wanna see something else in the hands?" "Doctora, there's something else to see before moving on." And I was a volcano inside. He was the most adorable thing ever. But I went really blank!!! I didn't know what else to do. So I suddenly gave up and said REALLY loudly "There's nothing else to inspect for I'm going to start palpation!!" I said it in one breath and pushed my hand in the poor guy's abdomen!!

The doctor smiled and said "Ok" and I was really about to cry. I ran out of time *which is five minutes*, and it was my first station :( but the doctor felt kinda sad for me. And he said, "Benti, just relax".

I moved to station #1 now. It was history taking. The doc is familiar. But I forgot his name :S. He's super nice wallahi though. And it was written on the paper *Mrs. Joy is 30 YO woman came complaining of bleeding when passing stool.* My eyes, somehow magically, stopped at the word *Passing*. As if the last word didn't matter!!! Half of the time I was taking history of Hematuria!!!! The doc looked at me with a frightened look when he thought I was utterly hopeless, and said "PLEASE, read the question again!" And I read it. I was really about to shout and cry!!! I, somehow, didn't! And managed my way to ask most of the questions related to bleeding per rectum. The doctor was nodding enthusiastically when I got a really relevant question. And when I ran out of time, I managed to look cool and shook the patient's hands and said thanks to her. It is graded to do that! And I didn't do that in the first station!! Yea!! And then the doctor told me that I was super good.

Station #2. It was peripheral vascular exam. I FUCKING HATE THIS THING!!! I was freaked out because I really really hated it. So I did what I know. Also a really nice doc was the examiner. He gave us the session of peripheral vascular exam. And when I was done, he looked at me and he said "There's one more thing and you'll get a full mark." I'm such an idiot!! I should've said femoral bruit but somehow I was all shy :\. He said "inspection, palpation, percussion................" looking around the ceiling and then I yelled "FEMORAL BRUIT." I said to myself *NOW you're sure.* He grinned and said "Rabbina m3aki" :D

Last station, #3. Dr. Siraj Wali :D :D :D. I told him nervously and loudly "slamo 3laikom! I washed my hands." He's like "6ayeb 6ayeb haddi a39abik." And I read the paper. They scratched the question and wrote another one and I took a while longer to make sure I'm not reading the old questions, or commands or whatever. Once I knew it's neuro, I took my tools up! Like a soldier I spread my tuning forks and my hammer. And again, the doc looked terrified. Not seriously though. Hahahahaha. When I started testing for hearing, I struck the tuning fork really bad, and the doc said "shwaya ya benti beshwaaaaaaaish." I said "SORRY :S" I finished. He said "Are you done?" I said yes. He said "Are you sure there's no cranial nerve 13?" *The task was to examine cranial nerves from 8 to 12* I said "No :\" He rolled his eyes and said "ENDING?" I'm like "OOOOOOOH," I grinned at the fake patient and said Thank you :D.

Dr. Siraj looked at me and said "First girl to finish in 3 minutes!!" I didn't finish in 3 minutes, he made me skip lots of stuff! Me: :D. He said "Are you related to Dr. Aisha Alghamdi?" I said "No." He said "Good, if you're related I'm gonna take a mark out!" I laughed nervously and Thanked God I had those set as my examiners. They were awesome.

My friends were telling me about who they got. I'm like WHHHEWWWWWWWWW. Ya rabbi laka alhamd :D.

Then we went to chilies. I LUFFFFF their desserts, really!! And 2 hours ago I was at Lamis's house!! WOW!! Awesome party. Like really really awesome!!! :D I'm glad I went there even though we didn't spend much time *Four hours!*

I wanted to tell you about the feedback that I didn't attend! But naaaah it'll probably raise your blood pressure. Stupid girls. Wish they fall on their asses!! Dr. Amr is a really nice man :D. He gave us our 50s back! I was one of those who lost their name tags. And when we asked for new ones they *the secretaries* said we should pay 50 s.r!!! Can you believe the robbing? Fuck them all. Thieves! So today Dr. Amr gave the subleader the money. And she gave it to me :D. He's a really kind man but I wish his kindness would stop right at those stupid girls.

Never mind!! It's summer y'aaaaaaaaaaaaall have fun whoooaaaooooo!! :D

Oh Happy Day

2011-06-07T18:36:00.000+03:00

Not that I really have much to say. Me writing this post is a way to elongate my happiness hours. Remember how sad the last post was? Oh this one is quite the opposite.

So in this course we were supposed to present three cases and I. HATE. CASE. PRESENTATIONS. I think I have mentioned why! So when I got sick last week because of stupid pharyngitis, I really secretly planned to ditch case presentation III, even though it's graded! Not that it was difficult, but you know, for the sake of ditching!

So when I showed up on Wednesday (the annual party day, in which btw we had lots and lots of fun) the girls told me how awesome the doctor was. The doctor I was suppose to present my case to. The doctor who Ohood presented her case to. I was really angry at them. What a mean thing to do as telling your friend how much awesomeness she missed!!! And I got angry that I didn't push myself to attend the other day and present! But then, I said ma3 nafsahom, never mind, I don't have to present a third case.

That would really happen if my friends weren't such ~~assholes~~ nerds! A student can present only two cases!!! Anything more than that would be a condition of nerdiness. And my group mates, some of them, presented four times! Why? To make sure that they get the super A plus. Mashallah! I don't envy them. I just mentioned that to show you how much I hate the guilt they're causing me. It's really difficult to be yourself when everyone around is super nerd.

So on Saturday the leader (Morooj) was like, JUST PRESENT!!! You already have guaranteed your marks just present for the heck of it. Obviously Morooj doesn't know me -_-. I don't do stuff, i.e. CP and nerdy stuff, just for the heck of it. I drink coffee and sleep immediately for the heck of it, I belly dance for the heck of it, I sing in Japanese and French *I suck at both* for the heck of it, but I NEVER present a case just for the heck of it =_=. Nevertheless, I did prepared a case, the cutest patient alive. She's 32 and she looks 16 mashallah. The happiest, most patient, tolerant patient ever. She felt like a sister and I only talked to her THIS Sunday. And she's Bukhari. Did I tell you that I'm definitely marrying a Bukhari dude? They're adorable!! FIND ME ONE!! Hahaha. So she really really helped me a lot. She was well educated about her condition, which is something you don't really see in lots of patients regardless of their age and education status. And I simply was in love. And I tried to do what Lujayn suggested in her comment on the my last post, I visited patients for the heck of it. I said 'bye' to this patient because she's to be discharged today, and I might not see her tomorrow. And when I presented her case, I was really nervous because -again- I have no idea what the doctor is like. I presented quite quickly, I was extremely happy that he didn't like extra gerger. You know how medical doctors love to hear (no vomiting, no diarrhea, no no no no) and you end up wasting your time over stupid negatives. This doc was awesome, he kept saying, skip, no need, skip, next. I loved him for that :p. And I heard he LOVED mentioning the hospital course part, and so I decided to do that :p. Guess what? I think he gave me a 95 because of that. Hahaaaaaaa. He kept saying how excellent my presentation was and how pleased he is of our awesomeness :p. Needless to say, I danced all the stupid victory dances today!

And I thought (somewhere this week) that I saw a high school friend in a corridor in the surgical ward, I forgot the girl's name, but because I was hyper with happiness after presenting my case, so I thought I could transfer some to a patient. I looked up the admission book, in hope that I'll remember the girl's name, I didn't. But I did checked the age of the patients and I found her immediately. I sat with her for nearly half an hour. She was so happy to see me coming out of nowhere. It felt sooooooooooooooo good to revive a friendship from highschool. And it just felt good.

Somehow, I could finally understand how people loved Medicine (باطنة). Apart from the fact that having enough knowledge makes lots of things make sense, connecting with patients directly, feels good. Really good :). Thank you Lujayn. Really, awesome advice. :D

So in 10 days, I'm gonna have my finals, pray for me people. This will be the first OSCE ever and I quote Ghada when she said (My prestige is in danger), we really have higher chances at looking like idiots, which I highly don't prefer!!!

Miscellaneous Rants About The End of The Term

2011-05-31T01:20:00.000+03:00

Medicine is consuming, guys. I have reached the stage where I stopped advising young girls/guys to major in medicine because it's awesome blah blah.

You know this is a very depressing post, I advise you not to continue reading if you're in a bad psychological condition. All I could think of lately, is what if! What if I chose a much easier major to study? What if I had more than what I have now? Would I be happier? More satisfied? Content? The truth is I can't find an answer. My feelings are fluctuating from an hour to another. I can't settle down and it's KILLING me. Literally!

We started this year off with the smaller rotations, i.e. lab, radio blah blah. And after the rains and stuff, we started the clinical course module. The glorified course that everyone promised me that I'll enjoy it to the max. First, I realized that I love starting with the bulkiest rotations and end up with the stupid ones, ending ophtha and ENT first felt bad, because I wanted to get done with the major stuff, al7amdellah though. Second, the medicine (باطنة) not medicine the (طب) is the worst thing anyone could ever study. Regardless of how they portray it awesomely in House and whatever other medical shows, it's just extremely depressing.

From an emotional point of view, having to see patients being depressed because they don't know what they're having feels like crap. Having to see elderlies are alone and in a bad condition *since it's not a private hospital*, those people who were once strong, and independent, and taking care of families, it's just a heartbreaker. Walking in the pediatric ward is even more heart breaking. And I only did that once, since pedia and OB part was removed from this rotation.

Call me weak, call me stupid for choosing medicine. I honestly believe that if I had the slightest idea about how I'd feel now, I'd probably won't choose it. I hate stress. Five years ago I'd be killing to be stressed, I believed, at that time, that I'm a workaholic, but it was circumstantial. When I reached what I wanted *I.e. being a med student* I became more lax about lots of things. Until one point, I failed pharma. I'm sure by now you know the whole story. And now reliving the stress again, feels horrible. I'm not enthusiastic about the future. I just said I hated medicine! How am I to be excited about anything that comes after it? Life has become so boring for me. I wanted to learn French, I wanted to dedicate a year or two to drawing and painting, I want (new wish) to learn how to play piano. I don't wanna start doing those things when I'm 40. I wanna do them now. And I hate that I either don't have the full support to it, or I'm in a constant bad mood or whatever.

You know how I feel now? Like there's a huge web of thoughts in my brain and I need to untangle them one by one but I'm too tired to do that.

Last request; medical students who still have enthusiasm, who are depression-free *even mildly*, please tell me what to do? And how do I get rid of these black thoughts?

God I Miss You Guys A LOT!

2011-04-25T18:38:00.000+03:00

ELLOOOOO ALL!!! HOW ARE YOU?? I really really miss every single blogger and every single post and I hate the fact that I'm so busy to check my blog and stuff. So how are you guys? Doing great? Good :D.

So obviously I was busy (emotionally and physically and mentally) with university. I keep hating medicine the more I study it. But then, some tiny spot in my heart keeps loving it because the more I study it, the more it makes sense!!

So you see how bipolar I am about it. Two days ago I was panicking about presenting a case. Especially when I really never even presented a history. The reason was the fact that docs always always make you feel like nothing but an idiot. You do your best, you follow a form, but somehow you manage to blab out the worst sequence of information that they're looking for. So I did nothing about it. I kept taking histories from patients but I never presented any. And Yesterday was my first scheduled case presentation. And dear Fadda still never got over her fears :). And when I have a mental monster that I don't face, I end up panicking about pretty much everything. I'll skip that part 'cause it was extremely ugly!!

So, yesterday the doctor didn't come. My panic was aggravated by the fact that I dunno who the doc is, I never seen him, not in a session nor a lecture, and I have no idea what he's like :\. So I was really really concerned. Then the session was postponed to today afternoon. And the leader said that the doc didn't come too. I HATED HIM! I wanna get DONE for God's sake! Then another doc came, and he thought he should give us diabetic foot examination. And my heart skipped a beat. I really really wanted to get done! I took my case on Sat and I have no idea how it sounded like, I just wanted to get over it!

So he was like :\, "oh really?" then he took the evaluation forms, (because Dalal was presenting with me too) and I started.

*Wide Grin*

THE DOCTOR WAS THE CUTEST THING EVERRRRRRRRR ♥. I wanted to hug him. The first time is not graded but still I was afraid and stuff, and he was so kind and he correcting me without making me feel like an idiot. If I was presenting this in front of other docs (i.e. Majed Mansouri) I'd probably end up sobbing and cursing and dropping out of medical school. Which was what I really thought of two days ago.

But alhamdolillah :D. It went all well. And he gave us imaginary scores of 95/100 :). I couldn't be happier and more satisfied. Of course there's a million other thing to talk about but this is the most worth-telling thing for now. About dropping out of medical school, even though I thought really really about it, I found out that I'm simply too lazy to start over!!

Take care and see you guys later :D. *has lots of posts to comment on!!*

My Favorite Tags by Silla

2011-04-07T19:18:00.000+03:00

My favorite. . .

Food – Everything. Depends really on the mood. And most importantly no mixed flavors! Must be stuff that get along together :p.

Color – Everything as well.

Animal – None.

Sports – None.

Dessert – Everything, must be coupled with Arabic coffee though.

Pair of shoes – Anything comfortable and looks great on my feet.

Outfit – Anything that'd look sexy on me.

Brand – None.

Perfume – I'm in love with Miracle from Lancôme, but I could really use anything else. J'adore, Irresistible are awesome as well.

Accessory – Ummm, I'd say anything, but now I'm more obsessed with earrings.

City - Ummm, Jeddah?

Hobby – Drawing, reading, designing, contemplating counts?

Beauty Product – Anything?

Snack – I find it difficult to choose snack. I follow an all-or-none law, hence, snacks don't fall under category for me!

Holiday – Fitr Holiday.

Movie – They're too many to mention here.

Song – Too many as well.

Guilty Pleasure - To me, if it's guilty, it ain't pleasure!

I tag whoever wanna be tagged, and thanks dearest Silla :).

Did I Tell You How much I Hate Coffee Stains?

2011-04-04T19:28:00.000+03:00

You know how much I hate stains? On whatever surface, I still hate them. They're annoying, embarrassing and all. Guess who got a HUGE coffee stain on her WHITE lab coat today? You guessed right my dear. You guessed right.

So I went to the hospital having my morning gossip session and catching up with girls I didn't see in a long time. Discussing one topic after another and jumping from this to that. I dunno what lead us to forensics, but she (a girl named Raghad -she's the loveliest thing ever) asked me if I'm considering forensics as a specialty. I'm like "For me it's one of the few things that make sense and they're fun and interesting and blah blah." Her eyes were as wide as Arabic coffee's cups (it's why we say 3yonaha mofanjana :p) expressing how odd it would be for a girl in KSA -where social life comes first- to choose forensics. I'm like "Why, what's wrong with it >:\?"

Her: "Nothing, :\ but it kinda hardens your heart?"

Me: "You mean makes you more aware about what messed up society you're living in?"

Her: "Laaaaaaaaa." And she has a musical tune when she says words with vowels, "I meant that a woman has to be gentle at heart, not so rigid and stuff."

Me: "In my analysis, when a woman takes a case of... let's say a girl who killed herself because of family probs and boyfriend issues and a million other things, wouldn't it make you more aware and more concerned with how you should raise your kids? Hence, more gentle -as you say it- and caring."

Her: "Well, I think it's gonna have the most negative effect on a woman than on a man. Remember Lina she told me a story about how a woman she knew had kids and her life changed about she chose something -I dunno what was it- but obviously her heart was hardened."

I'm like, COMPLETELY against the whole thing. Those girls care too much :p. And I was really angry at how they thought of 'forensics hardens your heart, forensic blah blah. it at least makes you emotionally dehydrated if not stone-hearted.' I'm like STOP IT, YOU"RE INSULTING MY LUFF!!! So I got angry and I waved and somehow I hit the coffee cup and it all FELL ON MY LABCOAT. I was crushed to the core people. I hate being wet. I hate having my clothes sticky. IT SUCKS!! All I could think of is "Thank God I have my Abaya!!" 'Cause really, I'd do anything but walking in the corridors with half my labcoat being brown is NOT one of them.

So Bayan told me that I can go in basement to get it cleaned. I'm like "Really? :\ They offer such services here?"

Her: "Yea let's go, we might find the cute IT guys." *Blushes*

Me: "MARRA MO WAGTEK!"

We went down and I asked the guy if I could get my labcoat clean in less than an hour. I have no fucking idea where the hell did I think I was! The dude said "Yea, put your name." I accidentally asked him "When will I get it back?" He said "In a day or two." In my head I'm like WTF? Don't you have emergency services or something? He said "You can choose from these labcoats over there and get it back by the end of the day." I saw the labcoats he's referring to. They were other people's labcoats, and they were yellow, some were dying, and my main complaint was that they were OTHER PEOPLE'S LABCOATS!!! Was he serious offering me to just take one of them? I'm LIKE NO!!!!

So, I had to do the inevitable. I went to the bathroom and washed my labcoat which was a MESS and then I called Lamis and asked her for a blow dryer :p. The girl was "Are you serious? What do you need it for?" And my heart was broken because I hate to explain the whole thing over and over. She laughed her ass off 6ab3an =_=. But never mind. I got to dry my labcoat, well not fully since Miss Lamis came late :@. But it was all okay. The first session was good. The second, not that much =_=. But I loved seeing Dr. Hind Fallatah yelling at residents and interns xD. You know as 4th, 5th year med student you're at the lowest level in the medical pyramid. So seeing those people get embarrassed in public is fun fun fun xD. Hahaha. Especially when one you hate one of them already :p.

Zat's it people. Next time don't get angry while you're drinking coffee. Just saying. Btw, I love Raghad and Lina with all my heart but they tend to be more of the "I'm a woman and I should be feminine till the last dying cell of me." :p

Salams.

My Friday Morning

2011-04-01T11:44:00.002+03:00

I think Rebecca Black is right after all. :p Fridays can be fun, fun, fun. Even though they're the day before Saturday, which is the first day in work week hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, guys you think I'll make a good song outta this? Btw Rebecca, even though she's an idiot, is the not the one to blame, I've wondered who wrote that messed up song and it turned out that the talking black person in the video is the writer. All I could contemplate about is HOW ON EARTH YOU GOT SO FEW WORDS TO SING WITH? Simple lyrics my ass.

Anyhow, I've always believed that I'm a morning person, but never really enjoyed my mornings since they're boring, and since sleeping tastes better. But this weekend, something changed, on Wed I slept at 11. ELEVEN PEOPLE!!! and I woke up 09:30 next day. It felt good to wake up early you know? I didn't experience that in a very long time haha.

So yesterday I also slept early, at 12:00... haha people it felt like heaven wallahi. I woke up at 07:30. And you the background music in cartoons that describes happy mornings :p. And how I wish I started studying or something. Yesterday I wasted my entire day reading neuroanatomy and NO it wasn't a continuous task. And no it wasn't a must, and NO it has nothing to do with my studies now. So you see why is it a waste of time. Anyhow, waking up this early felt really good, Faridah made us a good breakfast, her son jumping around, it was simply a happy morning ♥

Then chatting with Yaz and Silla. Sometimes I wish earth was a smaller planet :p, which can't be since physics of the solar system will be messed up. But really, wish I can gather all of them and gerger with them for 6 hours. hahaa.

Made by Faridah ♥

Oh btw, that's شطائر for Abrar :p. hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

And you think I might survive a calm morning without my Arabic coffee ♥ The awesomest thing ever.

And yay during the long hours since I woke up till the final version of the post -now- I managed to take a decent pic for the afghani member of the family Fofi.. it's shaken but never mind. haha there you go.

That's it for now. Jum3a Mubaraka and for those who'll just start their weekend, have FUN FUN FUN!!!

P.s. you know it's getting really difficult for me to say FUN once :p.

Disappointed

2011-03-27T01:32:00.000+03:00

Few days ago -I know you're saying why is she posting now?- I realized something huge. something that I hated myself for. Like really really, hated my brain for. I've been killing myself while drawing my clipboard a while ago. I planned to draw myself one at the beginning of the year. And I didn't find a clipboard with the specs I wanted. So I kept on postponing that till some day by mistake I went to the campus and found my dream board. And then I drew it which was good and all. A week after drawing it and uploading the picture to my FB account, keyword: a week, I noticed that the letter N is mirrored. :(

When I noticed that I believed that no matter what, I'll never make the board of my dream.. you know.... I won't make it the one of my dreams. I felt so down. I told my friends and they're like "I thought you did it on purpose." And here's the sad thing, it's not that it looks ugly or something. It's the idea that there are FIVE Ns and I drew them all mirrored :(. I mean how come? How did my hands and eyes and brain fooled me and dared to NOT to tell me that I'm drawing it mirrored? Ehe ehe I felt betrayed wallahi.

I blame Coca for that. Her board had a mirrored N too because she asked for it and I guess that my brain processed that boards are related to mirrored N or something. Uh it's just way to confusing and annoying. I no longer trust my eyes and hands T_T.

Another thing to be disappointed about, the batch is trying to get a new leader, so one girl posted about "the reasons why she wanted to do that" and her post sucked big time. And I had an awesome comeback for that post but then something happened and I lost my comment then I wrote it again, by the time I was posting it the original post was deleted because the leader already quit. And I hated that, people have no sense of fighting. I needed a fight this weekend. I was just bored. And people kept on compromising. I hated that =_=. First time to attempt to be involved in an verbal fight and it got blown away.

Bored much? Yeah, I live on my daily dosage of Glozell and The Big Bang Theory. Ah those people are awesome. Nerds and dorks but awesssome.

_______________________________________________________

P.s. Off the record and everything, everyone in relationship (love, friendship, blah blah) please put effort to make it last. It kills me to know that a whole lotta years of of everything is done because someone refuses to say "Hi, how are you?" first. :'(

Getting Rid of Stuff

2011-03-12T00:38:00.001+03:00

I always love the moment when I start getting rid of old stuff. Make room for new stuff. And just tidy up the room that hasn't been cleaned for... let's say 4 weeks :p?

Now that I'm trying to start clean and cool for the new and last block of this year, I decided to take a last look at my gigantic building of sheets to throw away everything that I won't need. I do that process much but the size is getting bigger, or I'm filtering in the wrong way. Anyhow, you know how I always love to write about my lovely memories all the time? Well this is what popped into my head when I was organizing my sheets yesterday. This is the initial size that I started off with. Obviously I kept few papers of real use :p. And the rest was thrown away.

While I was sorting out the useful and useless sheets, I found few stuff that revived sweet memories, some were just horrible, and others simply don't deserve to be posted here anyway :p.

Starting off with the sweetest portrait of me ♥. Drawn by Alya my dearest friend. That was a pharma sheet. And I thrown it away -now that I realized it, I regret not keeping that piece of paper- and this sweet sketch is probably the best memory of the whole course :'). I'm the one on the left btw :p.

You know how I'm obsessed with storing ancient stuff? If I had a huge garage, most of it would be wasted on NONSENSE. This is an example. Don't ask me how or why am I still keeping a biology handout from FIRST YEAR!!!! Those were awesome days though. I miss Dr. Nichols ♥. She had that sweet accent and always acted defensive xD. Hehehe. I miss biogenetics. Those two chapters were the awesomest :).

You can see how I was obsessed with writing the word 'done' over every handout. It started as a reminder that I've read that handout. I know, plain sad :(. But then it became a habit :p. Then it was a sign of achievements LOL. Then it was venting. Because I remember I used to write *horribly done, sweetly done, slowly done =_=, funnily done :D, lovely done... etc* LOL.

Me trying to memorize the stop codons :p. LOOOOL I still can't find something catchy for UGA!!!

Coffee stain!!! And the hideous note that this handout is not enough blah blah blah shitttttttt :@.

And as I always keep the funny for the last :p, A SERIOUS CONVERSATION OVER HERE PEOPLE!! AND IT'S NUMBERED!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL wish I can tell what's hidden over there :p. But I think I know who wrote this, I can question her later hahaa.

AAAAAAnd that's it for tonight, lovelies :). I'm quite paperless at the moment. So happy that I got rid of all that crap. Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite, because... there are literally tousands of dem, oh, and there's probably something in your closet :p.

________

The last line is quoted for a movie, if you're awesome enough tell me what it is. WITHOUT GOOGLING!!

Post-Elective Rants

2011-03-10T19:51:00.000+03:00

Wow people! What an achievement! Can you believe that I have one subject only to go? I can't believe it!! It feels like I've started fourth year yesterday. Which is weird. Because this year is like the longest, and there were many mini-vacations because of the rains and stuff. Yet now that I'm going to start the last subject in this year, it all seem to happen a while ago!

Since the last post was "Elective day Uno" and I haven't been telling much, let me update you :p. First of all, this course was the lightest thing I've ever took in my entire medical life :p. It feels like those 2 days courses you register and accounted for 14 CMEs LOL. We saw Dr. Kamal like 4 times only :p. In this week we saw him on Sat, then when we came on Sun, Mon, and Tue we expected to take sessions but didn't 'cause the dude is busy with the hospital management. Which is a serious issue here. I hate when they assign the docs for managing stuff. No one left for teaching :@. And those who teach are grumpy all the time. On Monday and Tuesday I got bored of it all, I need my daily dosage of Dr. Kamal :(. We were supposed to be at the echo and ECG all the time. But it's boring as the doc down there is grumpy. The education process was tense, you know :p? So on Wednesday, we expected to get a little tahzee2 since we didn't do much stuff waiting for Kamoola *the docs nickname, by me :p*. Few girls were still attending Echo, some were glued to the nurses who refused to explain the hows and whys about ECG leads till they gave up and explained :p. And others went to Cath lab and nuclear medicine. Those are not included in the course's objectives but the girls were acting dawafeer -_-.

When I felt guilty and decided to follow them to the cath lab, I got lost. Let me tell you something about KAUH; IT'S A FUCKING MAZE!!!!!!!!! There's no way you could find your way by the stupid signs alone!! NO WAY!! Especially that there's two damned units of everything. Why is there nuclear medicine dept. in basement and ground floors =_=? Why? To add the confusion ya3ni? If I were a patient I'd lose every bit of patience I have and I'd dedicate my energy to explode this hospital :@. And when we asked the receptionists they're like "Follow the orange line." I'm like =_=, really??? Is this the wizard of Oz or something? Follow the yellow brick road =_=? Urrrgh. Never mind. I'm done with basement anyway :p.

So again, on Wed when we expected tahzee2 from Dr. Kamal, well guess what :p? He didn't. But he was angry at the way few girls acted with. He examined us quickly by displaying few ECGs and we were supposed to give good analysis on them. He was awesome xD. The best thing when he kept saying *m3allima*, *aywa ya 7ajja Fadiah* LOOOL I was so proud of myself hahaa. And then he'd suddenly stop and say "who has the best girl's name? My wife is pregnant and I'd like to prepare few good names, provided they don't have the letter ي and د." You could imagine me then people. Dr. Kamal with a baby girl *_*. *Background; hearts and flowers, eyes; heart shaped, music; anything sweet :p* Hahaha and then he'd go back to evaluating us. We felt kinda down because we were answering the wrong answer every time. Then he said "You know you're brilliant, you're fourth year students and interpreting ECGs? It's like you're geniuses or something." We were like >_>, <_<, then our self-esteem went through the roof :p.

Ah, sweet mini course is over. He gave us 98/100 each :p. Hahaha, didn't I tell you how awesome this dude is :')? I feel so happy and rayga and all. Now I'm sorting the sheets I should be throwing, Damn it the community bag was the heaviest :p, I wanted to shout while throwing it *Die community DIE DIE DIE!!* But I calmly put the bag down and ran away from it as if it's infectious or something xD.

And here I am now, preparing for za day after tomorrow, when the first day of the last subject starts. And then the fourth year would be over!! I'm so proud that I survived this long :').

Until next time lovelies ♥.

Elective Day Uno

2011-03-01T02:18:00.000+03:00

People I hate the fact that I'm a whiny bitch lately, so if you're in a horrible mood you really shouldn't be reading this. I only write it to vent, twitter isn't enough I need to gerger a lot :p.

Anyhow, so today's first day elective. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how I'm being told EVERY TIME that I WILL ENJOY this course. I was like "they're saying this 'cause the doc is Kamal Ghalayeeni." =_= And I love him and respect him and all, but for some reason I believed that their excitement was for shallow reasons :p. So when I consulted my besties (Ohood to be so specific) I had a very long conversation and she got angry at me in the end and she said (girl u wanna the fullmark or the benefit?)

Me: Why can't I get both?

Her: ECG is good, you don't have to love it, you'll understand it and you'll get a 100.

Me: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine =_=.

And so I registered, and I found in the website that the capacity is 5 girls. Impressive. I have to say that I really longed for what I call in Arabic Rawagan. So I was looking for FOUR girls :p. Okay? Today I went to see 8 girls :D. And the tenth came after she was kicked out from ENT.

AND THAT leads us to other problem. Any clinic, department is just a fucking bunch of asses when they offer an elective course and they cancel it. You know why? 'Cause it's elective for us not you old dinosaurs. You don't get to kick us students (not me, my friends) out because you're available for male students of fourth year only!!! YOU KNEW THE SCHEDULE ya kilaaaaaaaaaab!!! If really all you cared about is mixing then why aren't you preparing your schedules well?

You know this is extremely frustrating 'cause my friends really really really wanted ENT. I wish they were the ones who got with us =_=. Instead they went to plastics which frustrates them even more O_O. Well it frustrates me and I don't have anything to do with it!!!

So what else annoyed me? Oh yes, the accreditation people came today. I was talking to myself like "what will happen if I screwed this up? Dr. Kamal will probably shoot me, Prof. Alahwal will expel me, and what else might happen? Can I go nuts? I wonder how will this look on cameras." At that moment I saw a flash and I woke up from my thoughts. Damn it they were there for a minute only and I couldn't come up with an idea to ruin this :(.

Why would I want to ruin the accreditation??? Well that's a whole another story. Let's start with the fact that our dear college is full of liars hypocrites multi-faced ass-kissers!!! :)And the funny thing is, that some students really really believe that those are putting lots of effort on this. And they act like they're scarifying for a very noble cause. Which I find extremely funny to choose to believe a lie!

Anyhow, I hate every girl right now. I hate docs who use 'mixing' as the only excuse to CANCEL A WHOLE FUCKING COURSE! I hate all the irresponsible people. I hate the girl who dares to sit at my table in the morning and talks to me when I'm in no damn mood to talk with anyone! Actually that's why I hate sitting alone. Because people dare to sit at my table!! =_=. And I don't like that. I hate the other girl who talks nonstop about everything and then says "what about you? You're silent all the time." Well how about you take a hint and shut the fuck up? Wouldn't that be great?

I wish I'm taking this course with my girls. Every time I want to say "Ye7ammmmis :D." I turn my head to realize I'm totally alone (i.e. classmates aren't my friends) and stop smiling immediately. Hope tomorrow is better for us all.

One last thought, I love you Dr. Kamal ♥. You made cardio super awesome and you turned out to be something really awesome yourself ♥.

I HATE YOU

2011-02-19T22:49:00.001+03:00

I can't believe this. I'm in a denial. Well I'm not, I'm suffering from abdominal pains that resulted from shock after hearing a bad news. I don't have an issue with presenting stuff. I really don't mind!!! But what I hate the most is when the schedule is done and all that and suddenly.... just suddenly one group chickens out and some other group has to fill in!!!! And who filled in? US!!!!!!!

I DID NOT DO ANYTHING!! I didn't even read that well. I know it's nothing but outlining, but the dude gives you less than 1 minute to talk and GRADE YOU ON THAT!!!! AND I"M SO FUCKING ANGRY. I need a day off. I'm sick, and I'm sleepy and I'm tired, and I'm sad and depressed now!!! And I have to go read for tomorrow's presentation???? And graded just like anyone else who's supposed to present IN THEIR ORIGINAL SCHEDULE???

I hope the group who switched with us get screwed. I really hope they get the worst scores in everything not just the presentation thing. I can't tell you how much I panicked about this! First they said there's no presentation to prepare for, just put the powerpoint file when you submit your work!!! Then when I cope with that they said THERE IS a presentation and you better prepare well since it's gonna inflict the whole group. THEN SOME BITCHES CHANGE THEIR FUCKING SCHEDULE!!!!

I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOU. ALL OF YOU!!! AND I HOPE YOU GET SCREWED. I HOPE THE DOC GRADES YOU WITH THE WORST THING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF GRADING PRESENTATIONS.

Once I know who's the other group I'll put them in my black list.

Seriously, الله لا يسامحكم!!!

2011-02-17T14:30:00.000+03:00

People, I have a confession!! I'm having a serious trouble finding a title for my posts =_=. And I hate that. Medics, differential please!

Anyhow, you know how my life is boring? I'm counting on what criminal minds ('cause we're still taking forensics), gossips, disgusting stuff I'd hear because that's pretty much it during the day. During the night, I'm either working on an SDL, PSL, or simply wasting my time. SDL: Self Directed Learning (which btw I believe the self word should be omitted, it's not used =_=). The PSL: Problem Solving Learning which is different from PBL: Problem Based Learning!!! This is really sad you know =_=. So many acronyms doesn't make the education system rock!!

So my weekend started yesterday and it was plain boring! I just took my HDD from Anamil and she's awesome. She stuck my HDD with lots and lots of TV shows, movies, EVERYTHING. And I'm like, my HDD is revived again! Hehe, so I began with HIMYM season 06. I can't tell you people how much I cried on the tiny stuff and on the fact that Marshall's dad death. Then when I realized that I needed more drama, I stared at the grey's anatomy folder!! Trying to remember whether I swore to watch it or not! Which still makes me feel guilty I give lots of oaths then I forget that I did so haha. Anyhow, I watched the first episode. Apart from crying on George's death and all, it was the worst drama ever!!!!!!

How on earth could I watch that thing for FIVE SEASONS! And I didn't skip any episode. I mean, EVERYTHING is overdone. I mean, Torres collapsing in the OR? I was like =_=. The gang laughs hysterically in George's funeral???? Salamat?? WTF??? It was horrible. And the worsssssssssst of allllllllllllllll, the mushroom head is metanne7a all the time!!! And refused to work??? I'm screaming in my head and all I could think of is "lalalalalalaaaa mo ma3goool aiiiiiiiiiiish al haballllllll".

I couldn't go through the second one, I just can't. Grey's anatomy you're the worst medical show ever. You're even worse than Scrubs! And Scrubs -now- sucks big time!

To lighten the mood up a bit, I got a piece of information that will make you giggle if not laugh :p. Can you believe how dinosauric minds think? Sometimes, it's sad, others, it's plain funny! You see we have ethics final on sat, and because of the rains and stuff we were supposed to take a mid exam but we didn't. Actually we're used to one-exam course. Duh, it's not like we need our grades to be distributed fairly or something. So it was first on Tuesday (2 days ago) and then girls wanted it to be on Sat, and I have no fucking idea why. The whole curriculum is 5 lectures and extensive blabbering about nonsense. It's even worse than the communication skills course we took in second year! But girls thought it was a complicated subject -ethics I mean- and hence they wanted A WHOLE WEEK -the current one- plus the weekend. WOW! I'm astounded!

So I really really believed it's one exam, one paper, one of everything. The joke just began, we'll have mid and final papers. NOT TOGETHER, separate, it's like hey, let's play a mind trick, now take your mid exam, get a 10 minutes rest, then start your final one.

Or it could be like, you know we couldn't just combine the questions together that's why you'll take two papers in the same time. One for mid, the other for final.

I dunno if you see what I'm seeing, I remembered that I laughed so hard about this! It's like the stupidest thing ever!!! Why the hell wouldn't you give us the exam in one paper? It's the same subject? And it's not like practical theoretical part, they're all theoretical. And the other annoying part, it's a mid-term!! The whole thing is wrong! It's not mid-term, we're taking it in the end of the course! And it's not mid-term because we finish stuff quickly!!!

So it's both funny and annoying. Eventually all I did is wondering how the hell those people got to be in charge! It's a riddle :\. Bunch of 1000 years old idiots.

Miscellaneous Rants

2011-02-13T20:06:00.001+03:00

So I really have nothing to rand about. My scores for the whole semester are finally out!! I got 2 Bs, 2Cs, and 1 D =_=. And you know the annoying thing is that I got a D in radio. Even though I studied real hard on that stupid subject.

Anyhow, our logbook is done!! Yay us! Got to get the SDL thingy ready too. I can't wait to finish this lousy term (in my mind we didn't finish it yet 'cause the subject isn't done yet).

On anozer account, I feel really sad that there's no forensics elective :(. Yesterday I was checking the branches of forensics and they. are. A LOTT. And I got really excited. Especially about the toxicology part. It's really interesting :(. So when I browsed the list of elective courses and found that they're all boring. The (children's books) coordinator won't reply my e-mails. Screw her I'm not gonna beg! Dr. Fayza was of huge help but biochemical genetics isn't really my thing!! Although it was on my list wallah. Girls said that I should pick something where I am quite sure of what my results are gonna be. So I asked them which? They're like "ortho, cardio, hema" and I'm like "they're all super boring you know that?" and my friend got angry she said "you wanna benefit or the 100 marks?" I got sad and said "why do I have to choose :(?? This is blackmailing." And then I went for ECG. I really care about the doc more than the course itself :p. I can't stand arrogant stupid dudes.

Anyhow, this is for the night. Pray for my finals to be good and easy and that I'll get two As this time :D

The Day After Tomorrow

2011-02-11T02:52:00.000+03:00

Since it's Friday and I'm a bored girl I have to rant about how I feel regarding the fact that we're starting the second semester after tomorrow. Actually it's more like whining, not ranting, bs haah, who cares?

So I thought we had one week left since we took one week from the course as a vacation (not because we were far ahead the schedule but because of the rains), and I was angry at first because Dr. Ayman wanted us to prepare a presentation that's not going to be presented!! Then I became happy at the idea of not having to present, and then they changed their minds and decided to take two weeks so we'd have to present, and then I got angry at that change in the plans, and then I had a million thing to pay attention for. For example I have the stupid ethics assignment that has 20 marks!!!!!!!! And the forensics SDL, and the PSL, and the finals of course. And they dare to say that the new system is better!!!!

Conclusion, when a subject is given a whole department when it was taught as miscellaneous lectures in different departments before, then know that your ass is going to get hurt from excessive sitting and working on these assignment.

gal new system gal!!!

What Music is Good For

2011-02-01T07:16:00.000+03:00

Salam. How are you all? Hope your morning isn't bad (at least if it's not good :p). I've been doing nothing since Wednesday. You know this week was supposed to be the last week in the first semester but it was cancelled because of the rains in Jeddah. And so I abused it *literally* with sleep. I wake up to prepare the bed again for sleep. So sick, I know.

I wanted to upload the photos for my cups collection but I couldn't get any lazier to tell you the truth. I've wandered in so many blogs. I've killed mosquitoes. I've worked on the SDL -just a little- and did nothing else. Oh, I took a shower :p. A very cold one. Or at least cold to my poor Jeddawi skin. Never mind.

So anyhow, ever thought your brain works? I don't mean the well-known functions, reading writing cognition blah blah. I mean, linking every tiny detail with the other to form a perfect memory that is to be treasured forever? Did you even think about how your brain gets you back to first grade when you smell something or see something or hear something? Did you ever consider yourself a very sensitive person? By sensitive I don't mean delicate and blah blah, I mean easily reactive to stimulants around you?

There was a melody in my head for over 3 weeks. I can't remember from which song is it, I can't even hum it, and it felt so horrible to try to remember something you can't even.. get it out of your head! The only thing I remember about it is that it reminds me with Kawthar. And that's the only thing related to the melody that plays constantly in my head. When I gave up trying to remember it, I simply remembered it!!! And the stupid song was just because of you - us5. Can you believe that? When I listened to the song again my heart raced. Not because of the lyrics or something (=_=) but because how the memory was so strong. I was a second year student, it was 03:00 p.m. I was with Kawthar -obviously, since the song reminds me with her- and we're either singing, or gossiping with Ohood. It, felt, (insert word here).

Also, I love when I turn the shuffling option on. 'Cause sometimes you get songs from the very far far away past. And once, in the morning, I was in a gloomy mood. And I listened to Rihanna - Rehab. I had to tweet immediately that I felt like a second year student again. People it was weird!!! I had to control my breathing pattern. Everything was so strong and vivid. We were in building 2, wrestling systems after systems, with all the shit that we went through in that year! The funny thing, my friend Ohood replied immediately saying that she feels exactly the same!!! And so, even though the song is sad (rehab and cry for Rihanna) I'd still listen to it to be a second year student again. Those memories are never to be forgotten!!

Last but not least, those who know me know exactly that I have a childish taste in music. My playlist is full of happy dancy stupid songs. I don't care if the lyrics are shallow. I just want it happy. And I categorize these songs as fast-happy, smooth-happy, start-your-morning-with-enthusiasm-happy, and so on!! So the sad songs are usually there to help cry my eyes out when in f***ed up emotional state! The only except is the reason - Hoobastank. Again, not because of the lyrics or anything else. It's because of the fact that it reminds me with ONE lovely memory that I shall cherish forever :D. A funny one also. This song is the only song that once Coca and I were memorizing. And I was horribly bored in the bus. I wanted to sing. I didn't know what though. My playlist is so different from Coca's. And this was the first in common song so we decided to sing it. The thing is, Ohood hated us because she had a horrible headache. And whenever we reached 'and the reason is yooooou' part we'd raise our voices so high that we ended up laughing and Ohood would give us a go-kill-yourselves look.

This is it! I didn't talk about perfumes because the memories they bring aren't vivid and strong like these ones. So, what brings back the strongest memories in your life? Is it a picture? A smell? A tune? A random idea?

P.s. everything seem to remind me with myself in second year because it's then when I became a close friend with my girls and it's then when, when few important things happened in my life!

Getting Ready for 2012

2011-01-29T19:11:00.002+03:00

This picture is the saddest thing ever. You wanna know why? Because how would you feel when the sea itself drowns :\?? I'd feel hopeless!

Do you remember when I constantly mocked the fact that 2012 might be the end of the world? Well I am still mocking it duh but somehow I find it freaky now. Tunisia is a mess now, followed by the Egyptian revolution while Jeddah was drowning in her own rains that were supposed to be a blessing not a curse.

People all that happened and we're still in January 2011 :\. Don't you find this quite scary? I mean people cracked jokes about it. Some said it's like the last season of something :p, continuous events every day but I find it completely freaky. I feel completely helpless and I feel sorry for everything that happened even though the jokes might draw a smile on my face but still, doesn't wipe the sorrow from my heart.

Our classes for this week have been cancelled. They said -not so sure- that they'll take a week from the summer vacation. Does it matter? I dunno. I enjoyed my time when I was locked in the hospital with the girls but now that I woke up fully and consciously it all feels so messy and chaotic that it pains me.

Everything, the rains, Egypt, Tunisia.

يا ربي عفوك و سترك و رضاك

The Wet Friday

2011-01-27T21:58:00.000+03:00

It's kinda scary how things go from one event to another. The even scarier part is when you deal with things unprepared. But to tell you the truth, it's not like I'm the one who managed the crisis :p. Still, it's scary!!

Yesterday's morning I was wishing something would happen so they'd cancel our classes. Well since nothing happened we went to KAUH too our assessment test and started the problem solving thing. I really wanted to finish early so I can go home. Because I promised mom that once I come back I'd dye her hair xD. She planned to visit auntie. Anyhow, we finished at 12, because every group takes its Problem Solving session separately and we have one doctor to assess =_=. Anyhow it was raining since 11:30 and I was like 'this doesn't seem like it's gonna get lighter.' And it didn't. It kept pouring harder every hour and the water leaked in and ceiling tiles -or whatever their names- fell down at some sections.

I really felt bad because the afternoon classes were cancelled yet I had nowhere to go. I'd have to wait for the rain to go off. We prayed Al-dhuhr and then we went up to the 6th floor. Rasha's sister -Rana- invited us to 6th year students' room :p. We stayed there for a long time and it was still raining. Of course, we walked around, here and there to see who's in and who's out, but we'd come to the room at the end of each round :p. And every 10 minutes or so we'd hear an announcement about how there's a possibility of staying in the hospital. I was excited since I never slept outside the house :p. But I was like 'no no I'm sure my parents would get me a helicopter.' Yes, I think if they had enough powers they'd do that instead of me staying in the hospital. The thing is, I told them they shouldn't come. But they did. And got stuck in the middle of the road so they called back to say that they'll head home. I'm like :\, people I told you every road is blocked what you think I'm lying :p? And the worst part they didn't allow me to go home with Rasha! Well, I wished Rasha was in the hospital xD. So that part isn't reallying upsetting me now hehehe.

We stayed together, and we went to the 6th floor balconies. Damn it I'm here for like 2 years and there are places in the hospital I've never seen. The view was awesome from those balconies, we took few pictures. I was really depressed that the camera's battery died :(. I hate taking pics by mobile, they suck. Then we prayed Maghrib and we heard that female students should go to the 4th and 5th floor to get rooms :p. We went to the 4th and wow it felt awesome. All I thought about is this is really awesome. We were like the weirdest combination ever. 3 girls from 6th year (Rana's friends), Yasmine, Alya and Sara from 5th year, and finally Anamil, Abrar and I from 4th. Some of us met for the first time yet we really had fun :p. I know it sounds stupid, considering how things were destroyed out there, but the issue here is that this sleep over party was kinda cool. I really wished that my girls were here, we'd rock the hospital xD.

So, we were like 6 to 8 girls in every room. We had mattresses, but not all of us got sheets and blankets. And what I really hated is that some girls were whining about every effing thing!! I mean people, last time I checked, this was a disaster, and you're lucky that you have a place to stay in, so why don't shut the fuck up, and sleep or whatever!!! They whined about the sheets, about the mattresses, about the air conditioning, and about the food. I'm like ROT IN HELL BITCHES!!!! You wanna act like daddy's little spoiled girl go kill yourself or whine away from us. And you the funny thing is that the food they're complaining about was Dominos pizza and Albaik =_=. And you still have the audacity to complain. How I wish I could slap them.

So apart from having fun all night -we slept at 01:40 or something- everything else was good. Oh I forgot to tell you, sweet sweet Wessal could have got home safe and sound but she stayed with us all the time and she organized the whole thing in the 4th floor. She's a leader by nature wallahi mashallah this girl is just, phenomenal.

So when she said yalla go to sleep. I acted like a baby and said "Mommy mommy, I'm afwaid of the dawk." LOOOOL the girls were like 'ma3 nafsik' hahaha. And then Wessal sang to us 'the shape of my heart'!!! GIRLS THE LEADER SANG TO US SO WE CAN GO TO SLEEP!! Awww lovely adorable Wessal ♥. Allah yes3edik ya Rabb ♥.

We slept so awesomely yesterday. It was like 4 hours but we got up energetic and we tidied up the room and we were bored. So you know what we did? Anamil and I studied a bit of Ethics for the midterm that was supposed to be on Sat but now got postponed to Sunday. I know, dorky! :p But we had nothing else to do :\. We drank coffee and then every girl went to her way. The roads now were open enough for us to get home. Needless to say, that the streets were tragic, I doubt the city was built with concrete =_=. Seems like it was built with mud and salt. Everything was crushed. It was tragic. Anyhow, for more updates about the matter please visit this link. Wallahi our thanks for those who volunteer to help -even to organize the traffic- are never going to be enough to what they deserve!! :)

Hope everyone's safe in his/her home and may Allah protect Jeddah citizens ya Rabb. Amen.

2 MCQs, 15 Minutes

2011-01-23T20:03:00.001+03:00

My philosophy in life, is to love until forced to do otherwise. When you read my posts, my tweets, my FB statuses or whatever, you'll realize that I hate lots of things but I assure you that I'm forced. I don't hate things by default.

So, as everything else, our current course applies the same principles. We're taking forensic and ethics. Forensics is still just as interesting, even though it's repeated (since I attended the course last year with my girls), ethics was (and still is) meh, but we have to take it, so I'm really trying to enjoy the task instead of getting bored all the time.

Let me tell you how my day goes, so next time when you read hate posts, hate tweets, hate statuses, you'll immediately excuse me, not because I have a mental issue, but because I'm sure that you'll sympathize with me if not fully agree on what I have to say :p.

Forensics was the usual thing about wounds and different types and characteristics of each type and blah blah blah. And dear Dr. Ayman had to post some pictures. I mean duh, how else would you recognize these wounds =_=? So far so good? The thing is, either girls are playing really girly girls, or they're spoiled little daddy's girls who are so sensitive that they yell about every picture =_=. I tried to calm myself "Fadiah, take it easy, maybe you're desensitized." But when a girl yells with her fake superimposed feminine voice and say "Dactooooor -in Jeddawi accent- are you trying to get us nightmares or something?" it's then when I lose every sane nerve fiber in my brain and I go volcanoes and earthquakes in my mind. The doc goes like "La mosh 3ayzeen mayasa." or something like it, since I was still going volcanoes and earthquakes I couldn't focus on what he said :p. The truth is, I'm not desensitized, I was freaked out last year but was also way too interested to gasp and yell like ignorants in the middle of the lecture =_=.

The moral is: Dear fake girly girl, why don't you quit medicine if your poor heart is way too soft for these stuff =_=? Or, how about you shut up? Or, you could simply sleep until the dude's done. There are many options you see!! Idiot fake bagara :@.

It goes all okay, I have a break to regain my sanity. Then we got ethics after the break. Okay I don't like this subject =_=. We lie to each other when we say that it's applicable. But, whatever. First doc is Dr. J. People... I really dunno what to say, she's a family physician. Do you find this info adequate? I do =_=. The WHOLE SIXTY MINUTES (actually, 70 minutes) went on and on and on and on about TWO words. Beneficence, and non-maleficence. Why oh why do I have to put up to all of this? The woman has serious issues with time management and you know what? It's not about the fact that I have lots of things to do -which btw I do- but the idea of wasting more time than needed is time abuse and I wonder how come we never had lecture about that :@. Maybe because it'll have to change the staff's awesome style of teaching =_=.

First lecture is done. Now Dr. Fahmi -an awesome guy, Allah yes3edoh- I'll repeat what I said last year in the same day when I attended his lecture.

" It was 14:00 and he managed to keep us entertained ♥♥"

And I mean it! I didn't laugh much though 'cause it's like attending a show for Russell Peters twice you know :p. So the sweet doc finished TEN minutes earlier although he started late because of Dr. J's laka3a =_=. Ah, wish he was cloned, really!!

Then Dr. Adel came up. He's adorable as well. But gives too much face for the girls =_=. Meaning: he gives too much space for the girls to interrupt in every possible way, on every damned word. And the worst part? When they abuse the fact that they're allowed to ask and interrupt during class. In the end the doc revised some MCQs possibly might come in the exams. Here's what I believe in, it's ethics, it comes with logic, unless you're a mentally diseased person there's no way you couldn't guess the answer! And I know I know, it's not true, we don't do this in real life. Dudes and dudettes, we all still know the idealistic answer for whatever question, don't we? So when a girl acts smart and discuss the MCQ over and over again and keeps discussing as if she's supposed to convince us, I mean if repeating something would mean convincing people then why don't record your excessive blabbering =_=? And girls, seriously, respect others' time :@. It's 15:45 and you keep talking and talking when we REALLY WANNA JUST GO HOME! What's so wrong about going to the doc immediately after lecture? He won't run out of the auditorium you know =_=?

I'm really frustrated by how some girls act. Wallahi I hate that I always get my mood ruined because of stuff like these but you can't help it. When fifteen minutes is wasted on two MCQs that were completely direct and obvious and there were no twists and turns and EVEN IF.... EVEN IF, ethics is about choosing the idealistic answer although we all know that's not applicable in real life. Stop forcing your opinion and get everything justified and explained like it's rocket science!

For those girls, I declare my eternal hatred for you. You can never ever even be my colleague. You're too damned annoying for my taste!

The MRI Experience xD

2011-01-14T00:00:00.001+03:00

Damn this gown, it looks so stupid on me!

I’m out of the room, trying to chat a bit with Ohood and Bayan. It’s quite difficult to act tough and cool when you find out –yes, find out, ‘cause you didn’t know this before- that you’re machine-phobic! It’s the MRI room. The radiologist is in the control room or whatever its name, and there’s Kholood –another radiologist- chatting with Ohood and Bayan. I’m heading to the MRI room. It’s so scary… and empty… and cold! For a moment I wanted to run away and yell “damn the diagnosis, I don’t wanna know what’s wrong!” but I really have to say that I was extremely interested in how it felt to be in a tiny little grave!

Kholood now is positioning me on the table. Or bed, well it’s more like a bench! Whatever! And then she put headphones. She said “would you like some music?” I said no. Maybe ‘cause I wanted to live the experience to its finest details :p. FAIL! When someone offers you music, Quran, whatever that relaxed you in the MRI, GO FOR IT!

So now I’m on the bench. And it went up. And the headphones are huge over my ears. Then she put that white bars thing they put on the patient’s head when s/he gets into the gimagnet (gigantic magnet). Now I’m so fucking creeped out by the whole thing. Too much fixation to tolerate. Then Kholood tries to be funny, she gets near the opening, and her cards holder was pulled toward it since the gimagnet is ON ALL THE TIME!!! She giggled, she found that funny. I would, if I wasn’t on the bench that is! My eyes went like this >> O_O and she laughed, I found that very evil of her!! But she did tried to make me smile :P.

So I’m in, I’m asked to not to move. WTH the place is SO tight. I’m not claustrophobic. As long as there’s another hole or opening from my head end. So now I’m in. I’m so not comfortable, yet somehow, weirdly, I’m so excited! Very loud noises came up. Apart from the sound that is always there. Dunno how to say it. more like, phew phew phew phew :p. So when I was in, the noises were too loud that I thought they came from the headphones. And I’m like, “well maybe they’re trying to find the best song to play, or find a radio wave that suits their style, I dunno.” People, it really sounded like someone is adjusting his radio!!! But magnified million times!! Yeah, it was that noisy. And when I gave up, I was like “Fadiah, they’re not going to pick a relaxing song for you, you better sing for yourself.” But I couldn’t! Everything’s so noisy and I’m so afraid of moving one tiny millimeter so I won’t screw it up.

15 minutes passed, my hands began to twitch a bit, since I’m not comfortable. And when the noise goes down, it goes down so abruptly and suddenly that my heart skips a beat. And I hate it when my heart skips a beat! So, then the bench moved out. I freaked out at the initial vibration! I was like wow that was quick. when Kholood told me that I shouldn’t move. I’m like, please it’s not my fault, the place is so fucking creepy :’(.

Then the whole thing started over again. I hated those headphones. They’re useless. I have no idea why did they put it. They felt tight and annoying. Anyhow, I was wondering, why wouldn’t they talk to me? In House, the docs always talk to the patients. Damn medical series. They’re so full of crap. You can’t actually expect to have the same thing in real life. I dunno what was I thinking. But I felt really anxious all the time. The noise went by for very very long time that I really got bored. Then sudden cool air came in from the opening that’s on my head end. My shoulders were cold instantly. I thought “are they trying to sedate me or something?” then I took really deep breath, in desperate gesture to really go to sleep :p. But obviously it wasn’t a sedative haha. The noise kept on going. Do you wanna know how it sounds? Like Atari gun shots. Different notes, though. Very loud, very rhythmic to the point that you feel your pulse is synchronized with it. Then there were vibrations. Real, vibrations. And I was like “Fadiah, calm down, it’s almost over, it’s almost over.”

I kept thinking on everything I could think of. Dramatic events, funny moments, everything. I even thought about the grave!! It must be much smaller than this chamber. Now I remember that I went praying for a while. It’s really freaky to be alone in a tiny little hole. How do rabbits feel? :\ Seriously? Then I thought about the contrast they said they’re going to inject. I said to myself “they must be lying about that too =_=. No one showed up.” At that exact minute, the nurse came in and talked to me, In Arabic. You know how it feels? When you’re a medic but when you look like a patient you’re treated like a patient and then you feel like you lost your mojo? Well this is how it feels! But to tell you the truth, it wasn’t like I was really aware of what’s happening. The noise had a really bad influence on my brain that I would find it quite difficult to interpret what the nurse says if she spoke to me in English!

Then I asked Kholood in a very miserable tone, “when will it all end?” she said “10 minutes at most.” At that point I really lost all sense of time and place. The nurse injected the contrast, in my right arm, then it didn’t work, then she moved to my left hand. And all I could think of, is poor poor patients. How horrible it is to be a patient when you’re living by practicing the other side of the pole! Then I went in again. Another cycle of noise, and another of vibrations. Then the bench moved out. Again, I’m startled every time the noise stops abruptly or the bench comes out. Then I’m told to be gone 5ala9 :p. I tried to sit when Kholood smiled her sweet smile and said that I’ll be dizzy for a while. I’m like “hell yeah, the gimagnet is causing all of this, I know.”

When I went out, Ohood and Bayan were actually laughing on the images shown. They said that one of the images was frowning. JUST LIKE REAL ME. I had to say that I laughed with them. This is really funny xD. Haha but it couldn’t be less freaky than it was. Btw you do realize that the whole post was thought of, during the MRI thingy, don’t you? xD.

So that’s it for MRI. The other awesome thing that happened today, is that our ENT and community scores went out. I got 75 in ENT –not that I expected higher, damned staff they’re evil (except Hisham Alem ♥)- and 87 in community :D, ophtha scores aren’t out yet, but I know it’s 88 because we revised the questions after the exam. Who would have thought, people? 87 in community? I forgot what the letter B looks like. I didn’t score a B since second year! And I only got it in embryo =_=. Duh me! I went 'oh yeah-ing' all the time. Now I have the spirit to study lab and radio :D!!

P.s. the MRI was orbital. So no big deal. I have a tiny proptosis that’s not explained by my thyroid function test, so the doc ordered an MRI! :D

Why Would You Do That?

2011-01-06T01:20:00.001+03:00

Salam people :D. So today it's Wednesday, kinda like your Friday :p. And I'm supposed to be relaxed and chilling. It was a weird week. Lots of code blues in the pedia ward *_*. That broke my heart wallah. And the fact that Saudi people act like werewolves. The only difference is that Saudis act crazier when it rains in Jeddah :p.

So apart from that, I was supposed to sleep. Like a baby. I had a really exhausting week. Both mentally and physically. Well not physically to be honest :P. Bs ya3ni. Emotionally!! So anyhow, again back to the sleep issue. I really wanted and craved for a night beautiful non-dreamy sleep. Cuz dreams disturb my brain even when they're sweet dreams. I woke up, an hour and half ago, on the most annoying horrible nightmare. You know what's the worst part? That these nightmares are shaping my fears that I wouldn't even dare say out loud in front of myself.

So I really really hated that. But here's my theory though, I mean you gotta make theories on everything in your life otherwise you'd be scared for nothing, huh? :P So my theory is, when my brain doesn't want me to oversleep -cuz I slept after Maghreb and I had to catch Isha- it starts to wake me up in its unconventional ways. It starts to freak the F out of me with all these nightmares :@. Pretty effective though =_=. So, what's your brain's mechanism in waking you up? Does it do the same thing for you? I'd really love to train my brain to do something else :P.

The second thing is, one of my friends said in her FB status this

كل ما اكبر ... كل ما تصغر دائره الناس اللي يدخلو من زوري

الله يستر لا اشرق بمستفز وانا فالاربعين

لان دائره الاستظراف للناس صارت قد بلعومي

And I promised her a psychoanalysis xD. Sorry my non-Arabs followers for not being able to translate, Arabs, if you can get a precise translation please do help :p.

So I was like, well when you're young you have lots of energy to put up with the all the shit from people of all kinds. As you grow older, that energy -some of it at least if not most- fades away. Which leaves you to wonder; how did you live before that. As you grow older, you lose friends you cherished a lot. And as a reflex, you tend not to become friends with everyone else. Because every friendship then counts! Every step affects what's next.

As you grow up, you don't recover easily, do you? So why open a door for all the annoying people in the first place? The net result is, our threshold is much much lower than it was in highschool for example. It is so low that you excuse everyone for whatever mean thing they do to others (with few exceptions of course, you don't act like an ass for nothing =_=) because deep inside you believe that if you did the same, you won't regret it and you wouldn't feel sorry for the affected person.

That's regardless of the injustice and hypocrisy that you encounter EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in every possible way from ass-kissing to acting like something you're obviously not to everything!!! That's also regardless of the things some werewolves, e7m I meant rainpaths do when their brain chemistry suddenly change!!! Funny though xD. I've been avoided purposely and deliberately twice and I couldn't laugh harder at it!!!

Dear status writer, hope you found your answer :p.

Multi-Emotional Rants

2011-01-02T23:35:00.000+03:00

Apart from the fact that this is the second day –about to be the third- of this year, I’ve got nothing really to talk about but to rant. About the new year thingy, well I’m in a grumpy mood so don’t judge much, why the hell is everyone excited =_=? Dudes and dudettes around the world, it’s just another day, another year!!! What you should be so excited about is to get your bills and calculate your losses :p. Well, financial and non-financial losses to act more human. But other than that, please stop acting so excited =_=

Anyhow, it’s just another year till the end of the world according to the movie 2012 :P. So that’s another reason why you shouldn't be so excited! Haha.

So the new system, radio and lab. I began to fall in love with radio so bad, that I might consider it as a specialty. I wasn’t fond of the medical part of it to tell the truth. But the physics part *_*. People you should have seen the doc. She’s a doctor and engineer, whether the dr. refers to M.D or to Ph.D I dunno. But it’s pure awesomeness!!! It feels so good. Physics finally makes sense to me.

As for lab. Dear Lord! Wallahi so many references and so much gerger over nothing!! I could have opened my micro and physio books and be so damn sure about my objectives. But docs love falsafa a lot =_=. Which is getting more and more annoying. As for biochem, he he he heeeeeee. I decided to never attend any of their lectures. They’re worst than useless gossips!! They have nothing in it. And well, for the first time –since the beginning of the year- I don’t feel so guilty about skipping lectures. I do freak out sometimes. You know regular panic attacks.

Also, how come 24 hours isn’t enough anymore :(? People I’m out of the house by 07:10 or something and I get home by 17:00 or 18:00 sometimes!!! And of course, studying in the house is sort of a suicidal attempt as you can never focus, or stay awake, and finish one damned lecture.

And there goes the elective thing. I really wanted to relax and choose something that’s not medical. Not even related to it. I wanted basics in writing children’s books. I still want it. But if it’s in Arabic, I’d have to find something else T_T. please please please pray that’s in English. It seems fun and there’s no other non-medical fun courses.

Ah, that’s it for now. Salam and take care.

p.s. I’m in love with dr. Fayza Alfayez for her instant reply on my e-mail about her elective courses. That woman should be cloned!!!

p.p.s may all the psychopaths, sociopath be forever tortured and rot in hell. Amen.

I Just Finished Community!*

2010-12-25T20:44:00.002+03:00

Yes, it's a celebratory (or whatever the word is) event! Ah alhamdolillah I still can't believe that I'm done with this subject people of medicine this is a very very demanding, annoying exhausting subject ever. At least in KSA =_=. Wallahi they have a way of ruining the subject no matter how interesting it should be! Yes, if you read the previous posts you'd say I'm a very moody person blah blah but it doesn't deny the fact that those docs and their way of teaching -sometimes- are the worst thing in the curriculum!

Anyhow, so the exam was at 13:00 to 16:00. I was like dudes, could you make it after maghreb please =_=? But then I thought, dear Fadiah, you didn't study environmental health yet xD. So I shut up as I really needed that time. So I went early, chatted with the girls blah blah. Then I studied a bit. You know what I hate about the environmental/occupational health part of community medicine? THEY'RE SAWALEEF!!!!! Wallahi they're very very... Urgh!!! If you study at KAU you know who's my enemy here =_=. That doc spends 80% of her time chatting about her childhood and her internship and the rest is for real lecture. Which is useless anyways. But thankfully, I didn't screw up her part fully xD. I got lots of things right! By logic, e7m :P.

And there's the statistics/research methodology doc O__O. The woman really believes that we have energy/time for cheating! They're already putting two empty chairs between every student and the next, how on earth would we cheat? She yells very loud btw =_=. You can imagine the effect of that. All that regardless of the family med. doc. You know family and community medicine are cousins. So one of the family docs came. She's annoying too =_=. I began to believe that the specialty has a huge impact on the doc's personality. She's like repeating everything the other doc says. And I'm like dudette, we do hear Dr. N khalas shut up!!!

And the miracle of the exam, I really have to share this. It's weird, awesome, amazing, everything you might wanna say about it ♥. The calculation part. I've always sucked at calculations. Even though they put the equations xD. That's the benefit of having fresh new docs from Al-Azhar! Hahhaaaa. Anyhow, I still had hard time doing these equations not because they're difficult, but because I suck with numbers all the time =_=. And our relationship got worse after graduation from highschool :P. So every time I come across a question that has numbers + equation + table in it, I give it 5 minutes to get done. When the 5 minutes are done, I'm like Fadiah, Amrik lillah! :( Go eenie meenie! Or in Saudi culture 7agara bagara xD. And just when this thought crosses my mind, WALLAHI, *bekasri al ha2 :P* I get an inspiration of how to get to the right answer. And I grin in the middle of the exam like a baby who just saw fireworks for the first time in his life! :D

So the panic point started when it was 15:30 and I was in question #60. The exam was 110 questions :D. It's then when the alarms and sirens went on and I'm like QUICKLY THEY'LL PULL THE PAPER!!! *Slow motion scene runs in my head haha* I could hear my heart beats until I was done. Alhamdolillah it's amazing four weeks of constant panicking and feeling always behind the schedule, always a step behind, always missing something. Alhamdolillah it's all done. The best part is the fact that I'm really confident that my studying is productive :P! That wasn't how I felt before. Happy 12 hours and 15 minutes of nothingness until tomorrow!!!! Lab and Radio, here I come!!!

________________________________________________________________
*Btw when I wrote the title I was listening to "I just had sex". Don't judge :p. The beats are awesome and I wish someone would make a clean version so I can sing it. Hahaha

I'm a Projection of Your Subconscious

2010-12-22T01:35:00.001+03:00

I really couldn't think of another title. I have an issue with titling my posts =_=. Never mind. So if you're quick enough you'd realize what the post is about. Yes, Inception. OMG people. Really I couldn't breathe deeply enough for two hours after the movie ended. I was still in awe of it. I was so fascinated. I still am fascinated.

Let me tell you something about enjoying your movies experience :p. Don't you ever watch trailers. I know it's a huge challenge, would probably end up with failure anyway. But really watching something without the tiniest bit of prejudice makes the whole watching experience is worthwhile. What made inception to me much more awesomer than it is already, is the fact that I know nothing about it xD. Well maybe one thing, too much brain manipulation ♥. My favorite type of stuff. But not like Shutter Island, now that's a movie I didn't like.

Anyhow, it's really really interesting and amazing how human brain works. It's just, mesmerizing. I couldn't think of anything else after watching the movie!! You have to stay very focused the whole time to realize what's going on and honestly, one of the things I admired is the pure sheer imagination of the producer and creator of the whole thing I was like, "Dear Lord, if you could grant me some wild imagination and make me help myself into turning it to reality, that would be my last wish!!" One more thing, the ending is so awesome as well. OMG what's not awesome about the movie????

At this point I'm sure that I'm not making sense anymore. I'm still sighing, those 2:28 hours were the best of my life. It's a must watch movie. Really really you'd be missing an amazing experience and I'd be so sorry to know that :p.

Yalla I'd be wasting my free time either in watching my favorite scenes of the movie or doing anything else. Yay me I finished one portion of community!!! Tomorrow is a new day!! Allah yesahhel ya rab :D. Pray for me people. Final is on Sat!!

See you later lovelies ♥.

Re: First Day of Everything

2010-12-11T19:04:00.000+03:00

Sweet Gee made a beautiful post about how it must have felt for every student to start his/her first day of whatever. In the end of the post she wanted to know what would it be like to experience your first day in college.

Well, provided that you've majored in what you really love and like, your first day would pretty much be the happiest. I wish I had dates for every big event in my life like Gee does, but the trend started kinda late :P. I think the only date I know is the admission day. The day I became officially a medical student. When the woman gave me the paper, I said "So this is it? I'm a medical student?"

Woman: "Yes :D. Mabrook."

Me: "Like a student studying medicine?"

Woman: "Yes :D. Now yalla move aside we have lots of girls."

I felt that my lungs are going to explode at one point or another, I was taking deep breaths to calm my excitement. The only negative remark I had on that day, is the fact that I had no one from high school with me. As in, best friends from high school. Other than that, I woke up, slept, moved, with a very wide grin over my face.

The first day of the academic year though was this happy. But it was regularly happy. English classes, buying your labcoat -btw I still have no idea why would we have to wear labcoats when we're in the campus??- and your textbooks. I enjoyed English like hell. I felt like "So this is what it feels to learn REAL ENGLISH!!" xD.

Then we had chemistry lecture. I had a headache. The woman's voice mashallah was way too loud for my school experience and she was holding a mic and I couldn't focus. I panicked then, I was like, "Wai wai wai wait, hold on, this is NOT what I signed up for :(." I went home, slept, woke up 1 hour later crying and throwing up. Damn it I was a damn kid!!! I panicked after ONE DAY. But when I started to open my books, I was so fascinated again. I was like "You'll never gonna find this much awesomeness anywhere else." And the panic was gone.

After that, everything became so natural to me. I fit in here. This is where I belong. And I definitely couldn't trade this position with anything else! Especially not a specialty in the main campus xD. Cuz medical specialties have their own campus plus the hospital, we don't have to be in contact with any of the other campus people. And God thank you for that. Cuz if I studied there, I dunno what's gonna happen to me.

This is it Gee :). Not much to say. But first days are amazing. The exploration rounds. The first judgments and all. You'll enjoy it :D. Till I'm inspired for a new post, take care.

Weather Effects

2010-12-05T07:55:00.002+03:00

This picture gave me a real pain in the ass trying to upload it =_=. It's awesome though, I luff it ♥

It's stupid that I can't find another name, but well this is how it's related to me anyway. So when we first started the ENT/ophtha course, I remember attending an audiology session, and I was interested in the subject compared to how I felt last year. And I asked a question that I contemplated upon it for a very long time, how did it all change? I mean last year I'd literally cry out of frustration but now, it's all interesting, it's all amazing. It All Makes a Difference in My LIFE!!!!

So I wrote that question on a piece of paper, and I handed it to my friend, and she answered in a very short sentence!! "السنة اللي فاتت ما كنتِ تحضري بمزاج" which can be translated literally into "Last year you lacked the mood." I admit, mood defines so many things in our lives including how we perceive. I mean, for those who know I started community medicine course, -I hate the word rotation =_=- and unlike how I felt last year about Dr. N, this year it all changed. First of all I really liked the subject. Not just it made sense, NO I REALLY LIKE IT! And all of a sudden, all my disrespect for Dr. N has disappeared, in fact, it was replaced by admiration. The woman is a walking encyclopedia for God's sake! Mashallah ya3ni :p. Add to this, we're taking the course in the college not in the hospital. I missed the college. Most students hate it because it reminds them with the sad preclinical years :p. I find the place most beautiful. Too sad there are lots of wasted spaces :(. A9lan there are no many students like before.

So dear reader now you see how these factors added to my happiness (plus beautiful weather obviously) even for temporarily :). When I see the pictures above, there's no way I could be depressed, angry, or mildly upset. The second picture is where I take my morning walk listening to saltwater room ♥. I LOVE THIS SONG! Most relaxing. I hope you have beautiful days like the ones I'm having currently :D. Until next time! Salam.

Routine Sweet Routine

2010-11-28T04:05:00.000+03:00

*Thuds* I woke up, I keep hearing thuds and steps upstairs. Those must be my nephew and niece. They're mashallah horribly active at times where no one supposed to be! The mobile clock shows 04:45 a.m. Is it already Saturday? Ah Al7amdellah ya Rabbi! I woke up, washed, brushed, blah blah and txted my sis-in-law a sarcastic thing about her kids :p. I got ready quite fast. I mean I really really couldn't wait any longer. I'm so bored of home that I begged for studying to begin!

So time passed, blah blah I called the driver to show up at 07:00 but as usual, he ignored, called again at 07:15 so hear him whine about the fact there are no buses and the capacity is always full and everything. I know it's not his fault. It's the fucking office's mistake for admitting so many clients without doing some math. So the driver said he'll come later at 08:00. Now my morning is completely totally horribly ruined as I couldn't go to the hospital in time to have my morning chat with my girls *that's a crucial element in my day*. Anyhow, I didn't know they were taking psyche. So they were having their lects in the college as well as I. So the driver came finally at 08:50. Little note for you, the lecture starts at 09:00. Anyhow so I reached a point where I don't care if the campus was on fire =_=. I reached the college at 09:15 or 09:20 not sure. And I got stopped by the security woman because I didn't have the college ID card. I mean I dunno, I'm having my hospital ID card. Don't I have to go through 3 years of continuous pain in the ass -in my case it's four- to get that card? Do I still have to prove that I'm a KAU student by showing up the college ID card???? I was a hair away from snapping in the woman's face if she wasn't too nice. So I sucked it up and went to the hall.

Went to the hall to find Dr. N talks nonstop about community. You know when you're like chatting, about something, the chat goes on for like 4 hours. But the difference here is that we're required to attend that very long annoying throbbing-headache causing chat! And there was a situation there. You see, the doctor was playing what do you think of community? game. And she went there asking girls what were their impressions and thoughts about community medicine. The answers were, difficult, boring, not interesting etc. There was one girl, who said it was 'useless, a waste of time.' I have no problem whatsoever with that she said. I mean it's her opinion anyway!!! The other girls were like, "Oh, she's rude." I'm like "Excuse me??? Didn't you just said the same using different vocabs?". The doctor was extremely offended, and some of my friends said she's a prof, we should treat her with some respect. It's then when the wires in my brains were unplugged!!!

What I saw, was a question and an answer. A very subjective question and very subjective answer. For a girl who was never introduced to community medicine and heard bad about it and going to study it anyway there was no need to act like a smartass and show that girl that she's a stupid moron!!! I can hate community all I want. Why would it offend you anyway? And the girls, THOSE GIRLS they're like completely oblivious about everything that doesn't affect their tiny little world and suddenly, they're the queens of ethics and morals and RESPECT??? Telling what a girl should say and should not??

I have a question to medical students, have you ever came across a neurologist saying that neuro is a very important specialty and that your future will be magnificent if you choose it? Have you heard a cardiologist asking students what they thought of cardio? Have you ever seen a pediatrician screaming about the reasons why every physician should take an extended course of pedia? The answer is: HELL NO!!! Important subjects and topics impose themselves without the need of the lecturers. And since community has failed during all those years, the doctors have to whine about it for an hour. In the case of Dr. N, it's 4!!

Anyhow, :\ من دق الباب سمع الجواب. Enough about the matter anyway.

I just watched "the social network". It's an amazing movie. You should definitely watch it. My love for Facebook grew more after I watched it. Mainly because I appreciated what Mark did for us :p. Though I really wish it's still a universities network. Because now there are members from highschool and I found a lot who are still 6th graders O_O!!! Anyhow, the only thing I came up with, is that if there were probs between Mark and Eduardo then it's because of the lack of planning for the whole thing. I mean that what scares me!! Of course you couldn't have a vision for what your company and friends will be in 5 years much less 10. And the continuous changes of plans also scared me as I wouldn't ever step a foot in anything that compromises what I have. If however that part was made up, then I hope it never happens to anyone. Also, the settlement that the Winklevoss brothers have taken was for the non-disclosure thing. I wonder if Mark should take the money back since there's a movie already :p. Hehehe. Other than that, my rants are over for now. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I really hate going through my daily struggles.

Good night and sweet dreams :).

Can't Wait Till Saturday!

2010-11-24T11:45:00.002+03:00

I dunno how to get this out of my chest. I'm not allowed to have lots of free time. No one said so I just really believe -based on what I always experience during vacations, holidays, weekends- that enough time to think about anything unrelated to my studies lead me to misery, shorten my attention span, and reach a point where I can't sleep can't think can't perform!! Not to mention boredom, that is.

You see, I started watching House M.D. again. it's horrible. I really began to be convinced why drama shows should be 1 ep/week!! It's only to protect you from hallucinating!! By the end of season five + the beginning of season six I was so sure that I'm not going to have 'friendly' dreams anymore. In fact, I had enough of them!! Once I dreamed that we were in a wedding in my hometown, I was called out to be embarrassing the 'new friends' and hence being locked in or something! When I'm finally released, I find that the whole place is like a fortress or something. There's a huge screen that shows Barney from HIMYM trying to get in. And guys in uniforms trying to shoot him. Not with regular weapons!!! They were shooting him with a some very unique type of rays!! The screen then shows Barney's face with his lips glued -not totally- and his eyes ripped out!!! Literally!!! WHY??? Yet he was laughing that he's winning!

The other night I dreamed I was on a quest! Yeah like those games. Trying to find a treasure that some pirate left somewhere!!! Can you get that imaginative? The thing is, during the quest I found one of my ophtha docs who was supposed to be a guide to the next clue!! He was the exact form I always knew him! Wearing thobe, holding a cup of tea, calm voice. It was very mentally disturbing to me. When I reached the final village -the one that supposed to be the final stage or something of the game (aka quest)- I found local women literally stabbing someone with their spears. Then they were dancing and singing!!! I was like WTF??????

And it doesn't go away! Yesterday I dreamed that I was in Riyadh -obviously because I was visiting my friend who lives there- and I wanted so bad to go to her house except that it was a dilemma! I mean since it's a ~~dream~~ nightmare things wouldn't go easy. I can't go to her house because it's a hole under a car!!! And the hole has something weird in it, sort of like a cylindrical object that moves, and there were water running!!! And again, I'm supposed to go -full length, full weight- in there! I was hesitant because it was really really really SMALL! They all said it's okay, you won't get stuck or injured! I think I kinda realized this is a dream or I'd never be putting my leg!!! So I put my legs and they're suddenly cold and I wake up!!! My heart beats faster and it just feels baaaaaaaaaaaad!!!! I can't take this anymore. I want to go back to studying 'cause really, nothingness for over 5 days isn't recommended at all. Don't watch House M.D. in huge doses. There are a lot of hallucinations in there!!! And if you think a lot -like I do, no compliments intended- then you know that you won't get enough sleep even if you slept for 36 hours!

Birthday Rants

2010-11-16T02:14:00.000+03:00

First of all, happy eid to you all!! I know some sheep would be sad about this but it's eid for us anyway :p. Second, it's my B-dayyyyyyy. Can't believe that it's been a year since my last b-day :p >>> wallah :p?? It feels weird, a whole year? I lived through a whole year and barely felt it!! I have to say that since my bestie's b-day I made a promise to check google on my b-day to see what special thing has happened today!! Well I just saw it and NOTHING!! May I say that my friend Ohood shares the same b-day with Aghatha Christie :(? She doesn't even read for her!! Ehe ehe, that's not fair!! :p

The second thing, I always feel horrible when people post lots of comments on my wall. They're too sweet haha. I never post on anyone's wall when it's their b-day. I'm too lazy to tell you the truth :p. From now on, Fadiah's gonna post on people's walls when it's their b-day, they deserve much better than that :p.

Finally, people be generous with gifts please haha. أنا غنية و أحب الهدية. I never mind them, whatever that comes on your head I'd be happy with it :p. And really thanks for the b-day wishes, all I say is amen to all your prayers inshallah I will get what I wish for.

That's it for a quick b-day girl rants. Enjoy your eid :D.

How the Bible Lead Me to Islam?

2010-11-14T22:45:00.000+03:00

The video speaks for itself and this guy is more than amazing. Please spread it.

Milkah in KSA

2010-11-13T07:46:00.001+03:00

Assalamo alaikom all. Hope everyone's doing good. My parents and sister just left to start their Hajj journey and I'm finally at peace :p. LOL just kidding. I envy them as Hajj journey is the best thing that you could ever do in your life. Yes, expensive, but it's worth every penny you pay. Hope we all get the chance to do it more than just once in a lifetime.

Anyhow, dear Farsilla wanted to know what's milkah like in KSA. Even googling didn't help to get a professional answer LOL. So I'll try to write this post from my own experience. First of all, it's officially a NOT necessary party :p. It's just to waste more money and be with the people you invited haha. But really, it's not necessary. After the engagement party there's shabka, where the future husband offers his gifts to his future bride :p. We -my place of the country- don't have this shabka. It's important though for let's say, hejazi people and others. I'm not really sure so I'll stop at this :p.

Then there's Milkah, which is pre-wedding party. Which is where akd-alqiran takes place and time. The party is arranged and paid for by the bride's family. I tried to google what's the exact origin of it, or why did it start, but there were no answers. My theory is that this party was first made by a woman who's going to get married in somewhere else, and thus needed a separate party for her own family and friends, or something like that. And with time, it nearly became obligatory :p.

Some variation is that people do shabka after milkah -so that their appearance is officially halal- and others would merge the two parties together, and some -like us- just skip the shabka part :p. And some families share the expenses of the milkah with the groom's family and some don't. In the end, the difference between milkah and the wedding party is simply the fact that one family is in charge of everything :p. LOL that's all I could come up with. If you have anything else to say please enlighten me and help Farsilla to get to know our weddings more :D.

♪ Today Was a Fairytale ♪

2010-11-12T05:03:00.000+03:00

It was legendary, with all the possible meanings the word can carry. And I'm rhyming because I'm having post-milkah syndrome :P. Amazing Rana and Ahmed were stunning besmillah mashallah tabark alrahman. I was completely in awe of it. I was so happy to see my girlfriends outside the hospital and the college atmosphere. I do have to admit though that our social skills have diminished with time, :p but we catch up on those skills fast.

The milkah is mini wedding, in case you're wondering, and I've never attended a milkah -in Jeddah- in a very very long time. I missed the enthusiasm. It's amazing mashallah. All girls were pretty princesses, everything was so perfect that I was this close to crying!! I was really happy for Rana, Rasha's sister, the bride and her husband they just made a very perfect and beautiful couple *_*. I think I just lost my voice cause I screamed a lot and my feet hurts so bad cause I couldn't sit down. We just rocked the house!!! I think the best part was that 50% of the guests were the bride's friends and Rasha's friends (us ya3ni!) So without us, it'd be dead :p.

Oh and when they played "DJ got us falling in love" we were just, *sigh*... :').. I'm still in awe of the whole thing. I'm really happy. My happiness is indescribable!! I want a milkah like this. Mashallah mashallah mashallah I'm so happy that I believe saying any word would break the spell. My only wish -and I'll pray for that- is that they love a very long and happy life ♥♥.

Congratulations Dr. Ahmed and Dr. Rana. May Allah bless you and protect you from every envious eye ♥. And of course may Allah grant us such good husbands too :p. Love you girls and simply in a short sentence, today was a fairytale ♥

One Down, Lots of Things to Go!

2010-11-04T21:32:00.001+03:00

Hello bloggies. Let me tell you a little story. For the last week I was trying to ingest all ophthalmology in my head. It should have been a very easy process but not with procrastinators (i.e. me) :p. So I studied last weekend, and then gap, then on Sat, then gap, then on Tuesday I remembered that I have a final!!! And the final was on Wednesday in case you're wondering :p. So I studied like I never did before (metaphorically) and as usual, well not that very usual, I had one of my panic attacks.

Now, you may be wondering when did those panic attacks started? I mean was I panic attacked before :\? The answer is, after the pharma issue, obviously :p. I was so stone-hearted before that that I really really could distribute some of it to the others :p. Then suddenly I became so fragile that it would be a disaster if I stayed alone. I still believe that this is drama-queen-like attitude. But my Junky believes that it's normal :p. I hope I recover soon though.

I still feel that I'm obligated to explain why did I get a panic attack in ophthalmo!! The truth is, even though the course is stupid, and easy, and sworn by at least 6 batches before that it's the easiest thing I might ever experience in the sea of medicine, I was freaked out because of two things, first, I kinda forgot what it's like to have a final! Because the last final before that was about 6 or 7 months ago! So my brain was kinda rusty :S. And so I panicked!! Justified? The other reason is that it's FOUR MARKS PER QUESTION!!!! I don't give a shit if the question was "What's your name?" IT'S FOUR MARKS!!!! So I got 3 questions wrong. Which means I got 88. I really thought it was 3 per question T_T. I wanted to have an A :(. Yalla inshallah in ENT final. Two extra reasons is that sweet ophtha -and ENT as well- have on mids, no evaluation, nothing. It's attendance and final marks!! A9lan it can't be named final. That's stupid, if you have no mid, how do you call this final :\?? The last thing is that I kept soothing my bro about how exams will be easy inshallah and stuff that I began to be just as paranoid as him O_O. Which is really bad.

Anyhow, the exam went really smooth al7amdellah. we did it in 30 minutes :P. I just hate it when standards change. A final should be feared of and respected and dealt with as a final. This final is like a quiz :S. Yet it's damn scary I have to say O_O. And you should have seen the docs laughing at us =_=. 3ama inshallah :@. That was really mean. But inshallah inshallah inshallah the ENT final would be better. Ya Rab ya Karim!! Other than that, my weekend is sweet and cozy ♥. It's perhaps the first weekend in ages that is not boring. For those who are going to Hajj this year PRAY for everyone. For medical students to be less stressed :p. It's really a huge obstacle. Pray for Muslims all around the world. Just pray and take lots of pictures too :D.

Salam.

Interesting!

2010-10-31T17:15:00.002+03:00

Medicine is amazing. Amazing in every tiny little detail. Even when you hate it, I hated pharmacology enough but it can't be un-interesting! So is ophthalmology. Oh our eyes are so beautiful no matter how they look on the outside. Just by studying the physiology of everything you're left in awe of it!!

We've always read/studied about the blind spot. I never understood it. They always said the exact same definition that I heard million of times. It's the spot that when light fall on it reflects no pictures because there are no cons and rods. And I hated that 'cause I never felt what it's like. In case you don't know, I hate to study things that aren't applicable, felt, or visualized. >>>>> و ياااا مااا انحشيت عالشي دا :p

Of course it has a clinical correlations *obviously* but I wanted to know for the sheer fun of it :p. And I did yelled in excitement when it happened.

Anyhow, so a dedicated friend told me how to really umm, you know, just to believe that you have a blind spot.

So here's the picture, draw it on a paper it's much easier :p. Close the left eye. Focus on the ( + ) sign. And with your other hand pull the paper closer to your face. Keep doing so till the dot disappears. Just the dot!! Yay and that's what excited me the most. Heheee. Rotate the paper 180 degrees and repeat the process on the other eye. I have no idea when will it be pathological *didn't start studying that yet* but inshallah you're all healthy :p.

Now whatever your specialty, would you please mention something interesting? At least interesting from your point of view. See you people next time :D.

Oh and I know this might be really silly or old news :p, but I still believe it's awesome ♥.

You're The Leader!

2010-10-26T01:01:00.000+03:00

First, I'd like to thank Hind (the one in the chatbox) and her friends for lifting my spirit up so high today. Thanks girls for your sweet comments and I hope I this blog will always be up to your expectations ♥

_____________________

Background: a hospital corridor.

Background music: grey's anatomy theme song.

Scene: girls looking happy and ambitious walking through the corridor in slow motion, their hair flying, their awesomeness is fatal.

Me thinking loudly: WOW, today was a very... very... what's the word? Well it can't be just one word. It was a very good, emotional, really beneficial day! Real cases!! The clinic was really good!!

Scene goes back to normal speed motion and background music stops abruptly...

Allow me to shatter your dream about a poor medical student spending a good day :p.

First, I think I'm going to kill my mobile soon. I missed the 07:00 a.m. bus because the driver claimed that my mobile was off. I couldn't yell at him as I wanted to because my Zain SIM goes off sometimes without warning =_=. And it's not the first time it happened. I was really angry. But enough about that. It's not like it's the first lecture that I attend only half of it!! When I sneaked into the audirtorium at 09:00 a.m. (The lecture starts at 08:30) I saw the lecturer -Dr. Hisham Alem- and I was immediately relieved! This man sub7an Allah, wallahi no one could just see him and feel horrible or angry or bear any negative emotions for anyone. He said once that "There are people whom you look at and feel happy." I dunno if he knows it, but he's one of those guys. So then the tutorial, it was a mess, dim lights, the doctor expecting interaction, I was absolutely OFF!!! Not once, not even by mistake have I said anything or even laughed!! Yes I was that off!!!!

And then, there was the clinic. You see you can have as many tutorials and lectures as you want, but you'll never discover what girls are really like except in clinic time. It was the most annoying thing ever. To remind you, the group is 12 girls only. Yet, they manage to ruin every thing in sight :\. They're like brats! You know I think I checked oxford's dictionary and couldn't find a descriptive word for they really are :p. They start off by acting as if the leader is doing what she likes and not what they like. The annoying thing is that the leader, is actually their friend. And I'm like "Guys don't you even trust your friend?" That was a shock to me! And then they decided to act really upon it! First of all, before they acted like this, there was some sort of bipolarity in what they said, one minute they all go like "You're the leader, you do this." "You do that." "Bring that sheet." "Copy those papers." "Go to the secretary." "I want to check my signature." And then suddenly, they act as if she's taking what's legally theirs O_O. How on earth did you girls reach this stage?

So the leader decided to take a different approach. She believes -and so do I- that her leadership is about the very basics, attendance sheets, announcing what's new, you know, what any leader who is NOT a friend with the group members would do. She started today -and I hope she continues- and decided to leave the girls to do whatever they wanted, from dividing themselves as they wished, to choosing whatever clinic to choosing their doctor blah blah blah. And my oh my. The clinic was literally a mess. Even though we had enough doctors, well we stuck to our clinic to avoid seeing the other girls who caused the whole thing so we don't really know what happened in the other clinics but guess what O_O?? Since they're following their concept of "I'll choose whatever I want and get in whatever clinic I wish for and all of you girls can go to hell." they crashed in, and when the doc motioned for us to see the patient's eye through that multi-tasking device (it's really awesome!) the girl jumped forward. Literally, as if we're not there!! AND SHE'S THE WHO JUST SHOWED UP!! That was just, funny/infuriating. Infuriating 'cause obviously we were there earlier and any creature with the least developed brain functions would realize that if you came to a place that offers services of whatever kind, and there were other creatures, you'd STAND IN THE LINE OR F*** OFF!!! But obviously, in the zoo it doesn't matter, right? Funny because it's always amusing to see a 21 years old girl acting like a 7 years old who've never been introduced to something called 'manners'.

It was really interesting to know more and more about those girls before I take such a very serious step and get closer to them! Team work seems to like to disappoint me, day after day. What we're doing is not even a team work. It's team organizing and it failed big time. Well I can't blame the teaming thing. Obviously it's the girls! The end. :p

P.s. I don't generalize that. The girls mentioned are probably two or three. Not the whole group.

P.p.s. Leader, I know you were extremely angry about what happened today. So I decided to take it out of your chest by writing this. Allah y3eenik :).

Common Cold

2010-10-24T05:49:00.000+03:00

I've always hated that two words! Why is it common :p? Are there types of cold that aren't common? Whatever. I dunno!! Btw just to let you know, this post is feverish. Meaning that I don't hold responsibility of what's written here :p.

Opthalma started really slow and I'm having nightmares about the exam already. I still miss my group. It's been quite a long time since we been together for a whole day. Obviously it's impossible now since we can't attend classes together like we used to.

Anyhow, so I have cold. I hate cold. I mean hello, I had ENT for the last two weeks and you showed up now? Usually I get the symptoms with the subject I'm studying :p. Much easier to interpret everything hehehe. But now I'm completely disabled :@. I'm sleeping 4 hours/night which is very horrible as I couldn't reach my REM stage =_=. Allah y3een though. Yesterday the clinic was so organized! That's 1-0 for ophtha. But hey, nothing's perfect right? We've been waiting with the patients for the dear consultant to show up and teach! I've always wondered why is there only ONE consultant in the clinic =_=? Obviously the other ranks (hehe feels like military) below him wouldn't bother to even look at our side! I felt diseased O_O. I mean more diseased than I actually am :p.

Anyhow, it's been quite a boring day. And when I came back I had to go to Red Sea Mall. I LOVE THE PLACE!!!! I'm like really really in love with the place. I wanted to live there :p. Everything is so big and huge that I was tempted to run!!! Hehehe. That was the end of my day. Now I'm posting at around 06:00 getting ready for my new day. Allah y3een is all I can say. Morning routine is getting more and more difficult to bear!

See you next time lovely people ♥

The Master of Procrastination

2010-10-22T02:06:00.002+03:00

God if I was a good girl I would have written like, about 3 or 4 posts now :p. But I happen to be the master of procrastination :D. You've got something to do later but can't? Come to me I'll teach you how to do so!

On Tuesday we had a party with my med07 girls -that's my batch before I left them!- and it was amazing!! In case you don't know, we do make an annual party for whatever reason -sometimes without a reason- just so we can catch up and you know, like a reunion party!! Of course, we had our little fashion show. Bad news is that we didn't put much effort in it like we did last time. So it was kinda weak, but fun is what matters, right? Here's the track me and DramaQueen made :D. Of course I wouldn't have made awesome choices if it weren't for DramaQueen ♥

Fashion show music tip: Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga always always work!!! Don't bother searching for something else when you have those :p.

Then on Wednesday, nothing worth mentioning. Oh yes, I happen to finish early. So I attended the seminar with my friend Ohood. The doc is horrible. Needless to blame though =_=. If you're teaching Family or Community then you sure as hell you're horrible. Another info keep in mind, the stupider the subject, the more psychologically disturbed the doctors are!! I think the last sentence will need further explanation! We shall talk about that later.

What else? Oh yes, My batch spends lots of money on lovely gifts in those annual reunions! I do say 'annual reunions' because I haven't seen lots of girls since the beginning of this year!! And I really missed them. So my gift was froggy cup or pen holder or whatever they name it and a lovely cup with cute duck wearing scarf :P. Btw, I intend to create a huge collection of friendship cups!!

Gifts for girls who participated in whatever activity in the batch :p.

Yummy Chocoes.

Different angles :p.

And my cup and froggy ♥♥

See you next time :). Jum'a Mubaraka!

I Haven't Reached That Level Yet

2010-10-17T19:16:00.000+03:00

I love birthdays :D. Happy b-day my dear Rana. May all your life become most awesome, happy, amazing and may you always get what you want ♥.

_____________

Hello there. Why does a human being develop insomnia? For two days I'd finish my stuff early and really wish to go to sleep but it's useless. I look at the bed and I feel nothing!! *LOL sounds like two broken up exes who don't have feelings for each other any more :p* Anyhow I couldn't even yawn!!! I'm a yawner by nature. Reaching this stage is quite alarming. I've been sleeping 4 hours/day and it's annoying. Stupid dreams that mean nothing. More like flash backs from the day and it feels like you want to shut down your TV but can't!!! =____=

Anyhow. Never mind though, today I was walking with Ohood and I was nudging her, trying to get her attention on something. The corridor was crowded so I didn't wanna talk! And ugh, being in situations like these, made us communicate by eyes, hand motions, the degree and direction of neck rotation >> هذه متعوب عليها :P, sometimes just by facial expressions :p. And we developed a very good understanding for every hand motion blah blah blah. Why's all that? For the sake of immediate info exchange :p. We wouldn't want to miss anything.

The thing is, when I nudged Ohood today she seemed like she's nodding so I waited for a minute till we get our space, it turned out that she was puzzled. I told her -و بكل صفاقة في الحياة- "I asked you a question, telepathically!!!!"

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL the girl burst into laughing and I laughed even harder for believing that our limited wi fi really worked!!! And that whatever I said would somehow transfer into her brain. Wallahi I've never laughed like today, I felt so stupid/childish. It was funny :p. I always trusted Ohood because she'd pick it up quickly. Hahaaaa, then she said "OMG, No I haven't reached that level yet." It's then when we even laughed harder at the possibility that in future, our promised wi fi would work for real :p.

Nothing feels awesome as moments like these!!! Love you my dearest friends :').

I Miss Solo Work

2010-10-15T22:16:00.001+03:00

First of all, this post is to be posted on Wednesday :p. Lazy lazy me. Never mind, I think I have a showing my feelings delay :p.

Anyhow, groups fight never ends, like really really will never ever end. I had a very very long with my bestie Ohood on Wednesday about how things changed ever since we started our own ways, it was tragic, dramatic more accurately :p. At one point she even said "I MISSED HAVING YOU IN MY GROUP!!!" I couldn't agree more!!

So even though things were much easier, people won't have it the easy way!!! I mean, the batch is divided into two groups. We started ENT/Ophthalmo course, the others started community medicine. And in our groups we're further subdivided into 2 groups; one started ENT, the other Ophthalmo. To make things much easier, the ENT group is further subdivided into 2 groups, A and B. The last division is groups A and B being divided into a 12-students- 2 groups each.

See how few we've become? So when we have clinic or tutorial we'd be 24 girls okay? Yet there's always something missing. We have only one doctor!! Which makes the clinic a zoo *with all due respect*.

So when the poor leader of my subgroup suggests that we should divide ourselves into further tinier subgroups so we can absorb our sessions better, and that we should share the cases instead of attacking the clinics and the patients, the girls all yell and say that's a stupid idea, and that "د. فلان قال المفروض نزاحم عشان نتعلم"

First of all, apparently they know nothing about the doc they're quoting, never mind though. To tell you the truth, I've never been (=__=) or (:\) as much as I was that day. I mean girls, do you even listen to yourselves :\??? All cases were otitis media, sinusitis, sore throat, and when a weird case showed up (TB, check last post) you all ran out like she was HIV positive or something!!!

WHAT DO YOU WANT??? GROW UP PLEASE!!!!

Of course I wouldn't mention what happened with my dear Ohood. LOL she should do the talking herself. But my point is, that sometimes I miss school. You worked for yourself, not that I'm encouraging selfishness, but honestly, it was easier when it was only you to control. Sometimes "team work" sucks big time. And I just mentioned one example!

Blogging Again | Real Docs of Genius!

2010-10-10T21:06:00.000+03:00

Assalamo alaikom wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatu :D. I missed you all ♥. My accounts, my favorite blogs, my lovely followers on both blogger and twitter. My MSN, LOL. EVERYTHING :D. I really hope everyone's doing okay inshallah.

So enough with the pleasantries :p. You know what I hate the most? When I always signed in blogger waiting for inspiration to come so I can write something, and exactly the minute I got disconnected, thoughts fell from everywhere. And I was so frustrated about that, that I didn't even bothered to write down the brilliant ideas :p. Nevertheless, academic year could NEVER begin without 'brilliant ideas', now could they? :p.

Anyhow, do you remember the genetics course last year? it was two weeks long, the two batches (med07 - med08) took it. So this year we have no genetics course. So the real docs of genius in this college, instead of dividing these 2 weeks on courses that needed few more days (i.e. lab, radio, etc), they decided to use the WHOLE TWO WEEKS in what? Did you guess? You guessed wrong, they wasted it on an 'introduction.'

My issue is what's in this 'intro'! It's simply examination of the body systems. Do you have any idea how many summer courses were dedicated to this thing only? I can bet that 80% of the batch was involved in any of these courses if not more than one!! Did you know that these courses had real lecture + real workshops and any tiny repition of the WHOLE thing would be a giant useless waste of time and I couldn't hate my 'real docs of genius' more?

The second point is that, what's with doctors? Really!! One can kill all your enthusiasm and it's just 09:00 a.m. while we starve for some encouraging no matter how fake it might be! One doctor I'd like to call Dr. Ugly, loves to start his lectures with the exact same phrase after 'besmillah' and 'salamo alaikom', which is 'If you're not ready for real work then this is your golden chance to leave medical school.'

------------------------------ I've run out of comments and facial expressions. I'm like, please shut up, you're the last person we'd take tips from. But poor poor us. No words comes out. Only anger and frustration bottled in!

Another doctor I'd like to call Dr.Loser, she comments on the tintiest stupidest hand motion, leg movement, looks, breathing patterns, and whatever that comes from a student during a lecture!!! I thought she's easily distracted, and I prayed for her to be healed but it turned out that she's nothing but a controlling A-hole O_O. I mean she looks at this girl and tell her "Stop moving your legs", looks at the other saying "Why are you frowning?"... "I don't like your friend's attitude"... "This is not a cafe, take you coffee out"... and there you go. Now I remember another doctor I'd like to call Dr.Dead, she comments on girls' facial expressions!!! How the hell am I supposed to look like during the lecture, huh? =_=... Too interested would be fake, normal dull face will make them suspect hypothyroidism, dreamy look will make them say I'm spaced out. I mean seriously, do you keep a mirror in front of you to check out your facial expressions? A-hole docs. Bunch of old idiots who care about nothing but titles and formalities and looks. God I wanna kill them all!!!

Now if this is the introduction, how exactly would you welcome the new academic/clinical year?

Now the two weeks have ended, Alhamdolillah, and now we started ENT/Ophthalmo course. And again, people never cease to amaze you. First of all, I really believe that the so-called-introduction should have had lectures about 'how to deal with a patient with an infectious disease? I.e. TB, HIV,... etc' instead of all that junk about trust and ethical parts that -and let's face it- are rarely applied in real life??? Why this? Because today we were in an ENT clinic, we had a patient with TB. The shame, oh the shame, is that girls were so disturbed and were leaving as if there was a lion over there. IT WAS SUPER EMBARRASSING!! If you wanna leave, you chicken, you can leave with a tiny respect for the patient. Hide your damn fear. Or as Dr.Ugly loves to say "This is your golden chance to get the hell outta here!!!" God what am I saying? There was a doctor talking to us without even stepping into the tiny clinic. Dear LORD you're not going to be assassined :@. URRRRGHHHHH

--------------Venting.

Few minutes later, Dr. MM comes in and examines the patient with his bare hands. I think he's the one assigned for her case and he knows better than to chicken out like she's carrying some virus that will kill the whole humanity.

Ah, all that of course excluduing the bunch of A-holes with me in the bus. God I can't deal with low-class girls. Seriously, horrible vocabulary is being used, not to mention the racism and the excessive mocking in every sentence they say. If I was a tiny bit sensitive I'd end up crying for those who were meant by those offenses!! Please please ya Rabbi make tomorrow a better day, with better people. Grant me the strength to go through my morning bus routine and to ignore all those people who add nothing to our lives as much as take from it!! Amen.

See ya next time :D.

____________________________________

P.s. The docs' names have nothing to do with their characters, if you knew who am I talking about, you'd find the link between them and the names here :p.

P.p.s. Did you know that during this time of being internet-less I read EIGHT books including the one stuck over there for ages (why are women accepting Islam?) :D???

I'm so proud of myself :p.

Call Me a Five-Years Old ♥

2010-09-05T10:30:00.000+03:00

I Love Zain!! The telecom company, yes. They're awesome. I remember last year when STC and Mobily were fighting like two wives of the same man, or as in Arabic 6bayen! I love Zain because it's, it's above all!! It's working for their customers. Not for looking good and cool winning fights!!

I love their songs. All of them. I love Arabic language sung by this woman that I have no idea what's her name :(. Anyhow, her voice is sooooo beautiful and serene ♥. Seriously you'll be just an idiot if you don't like Arabic sung by her!!! I could paste hearts from now till the end of the post :p. I'm going to post the latest one. But please please check the rest of them ♥. Okay? And if I found a translation I'll post it inshaAllah. But WATCH this before! :p.

Ok after second opinion, I decided to use google translator and edit it a little :P. *Super excited I dunno why*

Yuhka anna hunaka madina *** It's said that there's a city

Talla alaiha hilalul Eid *** Was overlooked by the Eid crescent

wamtala'at turuqatoha zeenah *** And its streets was filled with decorations

Labisa al kollo thawba jadeed *** Every wore a new clothing/thawb :D

Ella anna hunaka so'al!!! *** But there's still a question!!

Matha yash-gholaha al atfal? *** What occupies those kids?

Lima akhatho al aghrada khilsa? *** Why did they take the stuff secretly?

Kollon kan yas'al nafsah!! *** Everyone was asking him/herself!

Qabl wajbatel Ashaa, *** Before the dinner

Sa'ado ghosn al-bazella'a *** They climbed the peas branch

wajado al ghoula honaka waheed *** They found the ghoul/ogre there alone

Wa daa'woh le leqa'a al Eid!! *** And they invited him to meet the Eid

Wa kashafo an kursi jadeed!! *** And they revealed a new chair!!

Jalasa alaihi al ghoul sa'eed *** On which the ghoul sat happily :D

fal farhato fe yawmel Eid *** Cuz the happiness in al Eid

Lamma no'ti minha tazeed :D *** When we give away from it, it increases :D.

And that's it :p. I am so happy now and I can't explain it, it's weird. If you found any mistake in translation or transliteration feel free to correct me please :). Thanks All and enjoy.

Alhamdolillah

2010-09-01T14:34:00.000+03:00

Assalamo Alaikom. I just came back from hospital. I had tonsillitis. Which is the most annoying infection I've been introduced to.

Two lessons I came up with, always pray for protection from Hellfire. Jeddah never been hotter, by the exact minute I was out of the house I was profusely sweating and could barely walk!! The sun was like, FALLING on my head!! Which reminded me of the dua we say before tasleem in prayers.

Allahomma inni a'ootho bika men athabi jahannam wa athabi al-qabr wa fitnati al mahya wal mamat, wa fitnati al maseeh al dajjal.

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from the torment of the Hellfire, from the torment of the grave, from the trials and afflictions of life and death, and from the deception of the False-Christ.

And I think this is a daily reminder for us so we wouldn't wrong anyone or do bad deeds. The second lesson is always thank Allah for well-being and health. You never appreciate your health till you lose it, or lose a very tiny bit of it. It's just tonsillitis and I couldn't communicate with my family for 2 days!! It's just tonsillitis and I barely prayed. It's just tonsillitis and I couldn't eat nor drink anything except Zamzam water and honey. And all was taken away by two IVs and few medications!! Awesome!!!

Ibn Adam is truly weak. And -thus- in eternal need for his Creator. Alhamdolillah ya Rabbi for your endless blessings.

Drawing Again

2010-08-29T10:02:00.000+03:00

Assalamo alaikom all. Hope everyone's having a good time. For almost 4 days I've been drowning -that was dramatic hehe- myself into drawing. Not professional stuff you know. I'm too lazy to do that to tell you the truth. But well, I loved easier stuff, small ones. Those things that finish quickly. You got me right xD. I love to draw bookmarks the most. And sometimes I love to draw on clipboards. They look great.

Anyhow, so I really made one for each female resident of the house :p. Which -btw- is a lot, since -again- I'm lazy :D.

So without further due, I present you my bookmarks. xD

Those three are very old. But it's good thing that I have their pics!! Because I think I gave them away. Used by Faber-Castell colors. They're awesome.

Text, The deeper the night, the brighter the stars

The deeper the grief, the closer is God.

Those are made by Faber-Castell Aqaurelle. I've always had the intention to buy this set but I sent my brothers -btw they have no artistic sense ever- all the time and they got me the regular ones all the time. Until one day, out of nowhere, I found it :p. And I'm so happy with my tiny creations. Those bookmarks are for my nieces. *Trying to make them love reading :p*

P.s. Don't mind my handwriting, usually I'm better than that O_O.

Those are brand new, 24 hours old xD. Before using water.

And After.

As for the clipboards, I've evolved with time :p. But they're not perfect to tell you the truth, however, I intend to make an awesome one before the academic year starts.

This was the very first clipboard drawing I ever did.

This one was for Rasha.

This here for Ohood.

As you guessed :p, for Kawthar.

This was supposed to be better, but what can we say :p? Lack of planning. hehehe.

And finally this post will see the light. Seriously, I had hard hard time dealing with it. Starting from finding out about my picasa web album :p. Until next post, hope you'll have good times :).

Standing My Ground

2010-08-25T10:04:00.004+03:00

Very early P.S. I don't usually combine culture with religion, I hate to do that. But I wanted to discuss both subjects here in one post. So, sorry if you got confused.

I'm not a person who gets angry easily. Well maybe I am, but only when something huge happens. To me the only two huge things are any disrespect against Islam and my country and less importantly of course, having someone messing my stuff due to my OCD.

What brought that up? A friend of mine was trying so horribly to make me buy an iphone. So the motive was the Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address video. Anyhow, you know how a tiny thing leads to all this. *I love to write the story behind the post before I start actually writing*

So I loved the video, I loved his speech, the way he displayed his life just like a movie. I loved his concepts and everything, except of course I hated it when he made that joke on windows :p. In case you dunno, I'm a windows supporter. Never mind.

Anyhow, that's not the case, the case is that I saw Oprah's speech in the related videos and I was so excited so I told a couple of friends -the friend who pursuaded me to buy an iphone and another one- about the video. They all said that she's racist. I didn't believe that. One said that she's racist against anything but African American people and the other said she's racist against Arabs. I didn't know that before few hours ago! I mean I might be 3abee6a! But I didn't see it, maybe I loved her too much? And since I really held -yes that's past tense- huge respect for her, I was still not believing what my friends said. So I googled it!!

The answer came in different posts and videos and you can do that, I'm not going to display them all. But what caught my eyes the most is this post and this one. About the second post, whether she knows or not, do you honestly think a huge media icon should move without studying their moves very carefully? I think that, quoting the author "It is sad to believe that Oprah believed these Zionist lies about fighting terror."

Okay forget that I said that, don't study your moves, do whatever you want. But as an individual, can't you be neutral until you're 100% sure about what you intend to say? I mean seriously people, there's a video that I can't find on youtube when Oprah interviewed Rania Albaz who is a Saudi citizen and was beaten by her ex-husband. One of the things Oprah said "Thank God I don't live there." I.e. Saudi Arabia. WOW!!! As if there's a 0 % of women being beaten in USA? As if it's heaven over there while we're begging for freedom and awesomeness. Wow I think just became blind by the shining light coming from there!!! *Can you sense the sarcasm here?*

Whew. Thank Allah I don't live with such people whom, apparently,... they're apparently,.......... I'll keep this blanked due to the enormous flow of words in my brain.

Well, first of all, again, too bad is that I held so much respect for Oprah and just now I realized I wasted all that admiration on her. And you know why? Because I'm tired of everyone telling me to have an open mind and a tolerant heart and educated brain when no one would do the same in my case. Actually our case, since I'm talking about Islam and Saudi Arabia. I'm tired of excusing people for their ignorance, harsh comments and their stupid opinions -that they share with everyone, while we should shut up!! I dunno why- and their total dark dark dark dark medieval dark ignorance about Islam and Saudi Arabia. Here's the thing, well maybe I should educate some about life here as a Muslim and Saudi girl, but you should do some work as well, don't sit your butt bitching about Islam and KSA as if you're living in tiny little paradise and act as if you're not from this planet, when actually you never read a proper book about Islam , never been to KSA, and never had contacted anyone who's Muslim or Arab or Saudi.

So, here's the thing, now this is for everyone not just influential people.

First of all, don't you ever judge a person unless you really lived with them. I used to say that watching people, reading about them, hearing about them makes you actually know them. I realized that it's wrong. You're reading and hearing and watching what OTHER PEOPLE have conveyed to you. That message just delivered to you might not be really accurate.

But if you ever had to judge -due to unknown reasons and uncontrolled emotions, I mean who knows?- then don't you ever generalize it. The stupidest thing anyone could ever do is to generalize anything based on one experience, let alone a hazy one. And Allah knows how ~~deeply~~, oh I mean superficially you knew that person.

*When your subject of judgement is about religions* And let's say that you truly truly deeply knew that person -given that you didn't judge the whole nation for what s/he did- then be mature enough to not to relate between him/her and his/her religious background. Why? Believe it or not, we never claimed to be falling angels. We never said we're the best people in the whole wide world. And well by doing that -connecting wrong cultural rituals with religion and considering them religious themselves-, you'll be rather emotional/idiot than objective. I mean isn't this what you people are good at? Claiming to be logical and objective when you're 1,000,000 light years away? You never hate a computer because its user was dumb enough to not to understand it. You never hate a car because the driver was idiot enough to screw it!! See this, it's far more creative and delivers the message very quickly and precisely.

If you still are going to attack, then at least, do yourself a favor and have the courtesy to read. Not books for Orientalists, not for the bad ones anyway. Because Allah knows what have they put in their books. Go to reliable sources. For God's sake!!! Use some brain in that, would you? Oh BTW, get a translated -and interpreted as well- Quran if you wish to know more about Islam. Believe it or not, you won't read opposing thoughts, nor contradicted ideas of the author trying to proof him/herself.

If, however, nothing seems to work with you, then my oh my, you've just signed up for being on the dumb, ignorant, idiotic, pathetic, brain-washed, non-thinker, non-brain-user, stupid, narrow-minded -oh yes, all that open-minded has gone through the window-, stereotyping, racist *perhaps?* list!!!

I am so shocked by the stupidity and ignorance of idiots around the world when they comment on something, starting from Oprah who says about Lebanon "a deeply conservative country" -apparently she's never been there, or her sources are simply not accurate!!- to people who call Prophet Mohammad peace be upon him a pedophile!!! Astaghfer-Allah :@. BTW, watch this, till the last part. Maybe and I'll pray passionately that you'll be enlightened!!!

I'm so tired -and may Allah forgive me for this- of having to proof my point over and over again. I began to really hate it when people say "Muslims should clean their picture for the world." I used to agree on that, but not now, not at the moment anyway!! People seriously, how come I never knew about Christians or Jews having to clean up their frames for the world? I'm not trying to victimize myself, nor my religion. But I'm not lying nor fooling myself when I believe that non-Muslims relate so badly between religion and people. Yes Islam commands us to be better people and better Muslims all the time, but last time I checked, we're humans too!!

*Now I'm remembering that old video I watched once but I forgot its name. I think it's made by a guy named Ahmad speaking about Islam in a very interesting way. If you know what I'm talking about, then please put the link here.*

I'm a Muslim and I'm a Saudi and I've been on a camel only once in my entire 21 years. I don't have an oil well next to my house. Thus, I'm not throwing my money away, actually I have to save so hard to get what I want! I've never met a so called terrorist, nor do I wish to!! I don't live in a tent. My dad doesn't have 4 wives. My dad never beaten my mom, nor us. I wear Hijab proudly and convinced by the purpose of it. And well I have my down-ish moments, but well, well, well, does it always have to be related to those points I just mentioned? Talking about narrow-mindedness huh?

Message to all ignorants around the world, if you wish to stay that ignorant then you're not worthy of my time. If however you're seeking truth -whatever it is about-, then please search in the right places, stop following what the media says! Unless what you're watching is a documentary that's produced by a very very reliable company, then just don't watch it. If you did however, then why don't you develop some filters in your brain??? To test those information very well before you use them?

I ask Allah for forgiveness if I am mistaken about something or someone, and I ask Allah to give me strength and wisdom and patience to be a better Muslimah. A true Muslimah and to convey his message to everyone around me, just the way Prophet Mohammad peace be upon him did so gracefully.

سبحانك اللهم و بحمد, أشهد أن لا إله إلا أنت. أستغفرك و أتوب إليك

Effect Of Boredom

2010-08-22T06:07:00.000+03:00

Aren't you all tired of me talking too much about boredom? I adore it, to tell you the truth. Remember that old quote that I used once?

I don't think necessity is the mother of invention. Invention, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness. To save oneself trouble.— Agatha Christie

And I couldn't agree more. Ever since the last post I was so, so looking for inspiration. I had a very routine-ish Ramadhan day which is a bit too boring. So I was trying to be inspired by anything, guess what? Mission aborted!

Anyhow, I went to visit My Attic, and there was something that I really loved. In her About Me there was a list of all her pages. I loved that. I was like "Why don't I have one?" I mean it's not like I was busy at that time or something :p. So I made myself one. And then I thought I needed a good background. Here's the thing, I love (3afsh!).. Whatever the translation is in English :p. So then I took some extra time making that background, which pretty much represents everything in my life. So far at least. And then in the services tab I added my stuff, then I realized that I added 5 links. Then I saw flicker. I was like, "ummm should I do this? Let me try." Besides, I was creating excuses to create a flicker :p, one of those is that I added 5 links -odd number- and I needed to make them a 6th one!! BTW, I really RARELY do monologues :p. But then again, consider my bored state of mind.

So I started flickering! Which is annoying because they have this 'upload limit'. =_=. I mean what bothers you, flicker maker? That's super annoying. Besides I don't upload videos, "Can I use the videos' upload limit for pictures?" I dunno. Anyhow, I kinda liked it, except the upload limit thing. And also I removed all those quotes. Even though I loved them here but if I have gadgets for goodreads everywhere I don't think I'd need to post all these quotes here. Too much (3afsh!). That's what's great about exploring other blogs :P. Thanks Farah for giving me a reason to write a new post :p.

Day Ranting

2010-08-17T11:53:00.001+03:00

Hi all how are you? I am so glad and positive and flying about the latest comments and e-mails of how my writing is good. I dunno about that, I believe you folks! To be honest, I don't judge myself I leave that to pretty much everyone else. So, I'd like to say thank you whoever is supporting me and thinks that there's a creativity and vision or as Barney says :p, Vizhativity about what I write.

But then again, am I that gifted? I don't like to think much about it, I'd like to just write and let those words come out whatever they are. So from the topic you could see that right now -or precisely before starting posting- I was a very bored person.

When I'm not in the mood for writing, reading, I'd like to search for blogs. But I tried that so many times and failed. All girls' blogs seem to be about fashion and make up and all boys' blogs seem to be about business and being busy and how crowded their lives.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in no place to judge but I think that it's hard for me to find what I like. Especially in writing. No one seems to be easy and smooth in their writings, and I have to tell you that I'm afraid to death of belonging to this category!!!

But again, when it's your blog, you do whatever you do :), Right? Don't mind me. So I was bored enough to go check who's my friend following, and she has a very amazing list!! She follows all types of blogs, baking, fashion, ranting, random, friends -us girls- and many others. Her list is a treasure, but the most two blogs of which I loved so very much, reading only 2 posts each, are Both Sides of The Brain and My attic.

Don't even get me started. Starting from the very names of their blogs to the tiniest detail and thought they're sharing or discussing... I just fell in love! It's been a really long time since I read something like that. I am super grateful for you Dodah ♥

And I hope those writers still awesome at what they do. That's it for now. Oh and btw, I really hate it when a million thoughts pop in my brain I just wanna blog endlessly but then it's difficult to do so. My fingers hurt already =_=. Think I have CTS?? Hfff... What was I saying? I was saying bye and see you in another lunatic monologue!

Ayah Of The Day

2010-08-16T00:40:00.000+03:00

Assalamo Alaikom. How's Ramadhan going with you people? Hope it's amazing as it's usually is *too optimistic, I know*. With the book I'm currently reading -Why Are Women Accepting Islam?- I couldn't but relate to them. I'm a slow reader, I know! But I love this book. And suddenly I began to think like one of them! You all have to read that book, it's amazing how every woman has a different story to tell!!!!

I have nothing to say actually but I wanted to share the Ayah that discussed the -mostly mentioned- point that all converts agreed on. And know that with reading Quran, and Allah SWT says

And whenever a surah is revealed there are some of them who say: The faith of which one of you hath this increased in faith? As for those who believe, it hath increased them in faith and they rejoice (therefor). (124) But as for those in whose hearts is disease, it only addeth wickedness to their wickedness, and they die while they are disbelievers. (125)

So the Ayah that really attracted me because of it's simplicity and clarity is what Allah SWT about Jesus's Christ's (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) creation. He said

Lo! the likeness of Jesus with Allah is as the likeness of Adam. He created him of dust, then He said unto him: Be! and he is. (59)

And this is it :). Spread this Ayah, you never know. You might help someone to convert! Salam.

Reminiscing Old Memories

2010-08-12T01:11:00.002+03:00

السلام عليكم. كيف أول يوم صيام؟؟؟ إن شاء الله مشي تمام؟؟ أنا جلست أتضارب مضاربة أذية مع انه مزاجي مو خربان... المهم ندخل في الموضوع؟؟

أختي كانت طفشانة. و كعادة أهل البيت لما يطفشوا. إش يسووا؟ يرتبوا!! يب, الهرجة ما طلعت فيا بس.. هيهيهيهي كل البيت حالته صعبة فيما يخص الترتيب!!

لمهم جلست أختي ترتب شهاداتنا على مر العصور. اللي يضحك إنه لقينا مع الشهادات رسائل و صور!!! و إيش رسائل و إيش صور. و الله علينا أشكال زمان!!! تموت الواحد من الضحك. حفاظاً على سلامة القارئ, قررنا الاحتفاظ بالصور, و عرض الرسائل عشان نضحك شوية xD. طبعا أنا افتكر إني أكتب رسائل اعتذار, حماس, حب, حب أخوي و اختوي يعني ههههه, و أحيانا رسائل عتاب!! متأثرة بتطبيق مادة التعبير و لا ما اعرف!!

المهم أفتكر و أنا مرة صغيرة, يمكن أول ما اتعلمت اكتب -خسارة ما عندي نسخة :(- إني عصبت من عمي الله يسعده و يطول لي في عمره, عصبت منه فكتبت له رسالة هزأت فيه... -يس يس كنت قليلة أدب!!- و في الأخير كتبت "متفق عليه". ما أفتكر في حياتي شفت عمي حشش ضحك زي ما ضحك على دي الكلمة. بابا كان يقول "متى اجتمعوا الائمة و اتفقوا على رسائلك الفاضلة؟" ههههههه طبعا ما كنت أفهم. أشوفها بعد الأحاديث و كان يجيني إحساس إنها تعطي مصداقية للموضوع.. هههههه

إش رأيكم في الظرف؟ و الله أيام. أفتكر من هوسي بالظروف هذه كنت أكتب فيها رسائل للناس اللي مرة حأموت عليهم!! ههههههه.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

و السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته...

أما بعد/ >>>>>>>هنا يبدأ السطلان!!!

فإلى أطيب أخت في الدنيا, لن أذكر اسمها و لكني أحب أن أقول لها "قلب رحيم" >>>>>>> بسسسسسسسس موتتيني الله يرحم أهلك!!

و طبعُ حليم >>>>>>> أنفع في الخطابة العربية و لا لأ؟؟ حياتي كلها فقش في فقش!!

أهناك أخت مثلها في هذه الدنيا؟؟!! بالطبع لا. >>>>>>> بالله اسكتي خلاص!! مدري ليه حسيت نفسي حسن نصر الله. ههههههه

فليس هناك من في حنانها و لا في اهتمامها, إنها فعلاً كالأم >>>>>>> مو أقول لكم متأثرة بالتعبير؟ لو ماما سمعتني كففف على طول!

فهذه أول رسالة أكتبها للأخت الفاضلة ♥ فاطمة ♥ >>>>>>> آآآآه, قلبنا ستايل شهايد تقدير خخخخخخخخخخخخ

و أخيراً أقول: إن هذه الهدية ليس لها شبيه و لا مثيل في هذه الدنيا لجمالها. >>>>>>> الرررررحمة!!!! مع إني و الله ما أفتكر الهدية!!

و كل عام و أنتم بخير. و السلام خير الختام >>>>>>> ستايل أيام اوتوقرافات.. لوووووووووووووووووووول.

مع تحيات/فادية علي الغامدي. >>>>>>> احححححلفي؟؟؟ تصدقي ما عرفتك شكلها؟؟

حُرّر يوم/ الأربعاء الخامس من شوال لعالم 1420هـ >>>>>>>ستايل جرايد!! بس يا مرام مكاوي!!!

ما شاء الله عليا!! ستين ألف ستايل في رسالة قد إيش صغرها. هههههههههههههههه

و الله و الله مو مصدقة إني قبل 11 سنة كنت بيض بالشكل دا. لووووووووووووووووول.. في وحدة ثانية بس كسلت أرفعها. أوريكم إياها بعدين.

______________________________________________________________

بي. إس. ترا البوست بالعربي لأنه كمية التسطيل معبرة أكثر. هههههههههههه.

بي. بي. إس. متى آخر مرة كتبتوا رسالة مسطلة زي كذا؟؟؟ بليز شاركوا و ضحكوا اللي بيقرأ!! xD

Ramadhan Mubarak

2010-08-10T07:16:00.001+03:00

Two days ago, our maid bought a mobile. Regular enough, right? Well, since I'm bored I love to think of things a lot. It's weird how things flow from one event to another. She asked if she could get themes for her mobile, and Indonesian songs! Which were cute by the way xD.

After I got her the themes and everything, I said if you want Quran in your mobile by whoever reciter you like, let me know. And I asked her if she has a Quran in her language. She said no. I opened quran explorer for her. And I told her that I don't have tafseer books in her language yet, but I gave her the site, and told her whenever she's free she can use the laptop. She was overwhelmed. And she said that even though she thought she was quite smart, quick and good in Arabic, it wasn't enough to understand Quran.

I opened the Quran page and I chose Indonesian as a translation. And she read the beginning of Surat Al-Baqara. She was so overwhelmed, her eyes were sparkling. I felt so happy for her. How can people be so easy to satisfy? When you offer them the tiny things they couldn't reach.

Then I asked her if she knows any of Tajweed. She said she knew nothing. And I told her I'll be willing to help whenever she wants. She asked about the basic, Idgham, Iqlab, blah blah. Then she said with twinkle eyes "Will you really be okay if I came every day so you can teach me?" I almost cried at that moment, how ignorant and unappreciative of the blessings we're having!!! She cleared that "My fiancé is a teacher and well educated, and I don't like to look like an idiot when I read Quran in front of him." I wanted to yell from the top of my lungs that "YES YES I'm right here all day if you want!!!" But I was able to control myself.

My little bro made a little joke about me being charity establishment :p. I told him that it's the best anyone could ever do. To me, I love to teach, but it differs from student to the other, all I know is that she is an eager one. I couldn't enjoy my Ramadhan more :).

P.s. When was the last time you were so amused about someone's state of overwhelmedness??

Technology No More =_=

2010-08-08T17:22:00.000+03:00

Sometimes, and only sometimes, I wish I lived in stone age or something. When no technology was introduced =_=. Believe me, if you know you'd realize that such words wouldn't go out of my mouth unless something really bad had happened.

And it did. And it caused me horrible headache.

Here's the thing, I bought xperia x1 out of love and passion to that little device. It bewitched me. And made me hate my family and angry and tense all the time!!! The minute I install something, another application goes down. Yesterday I wasted precious hours over themes. I'm not a fan of themes. I like mine!! But the thing is, why the hell themes wouldn't show up when I try to change them?

That question led to another application that I really have no idea how it worked out! The application was messed up. I had to delete some files to make it launch O_O. See how desperate that is?

So I finally got the application to run. The themes are there -after long long struggle- and I chose one of the things I downloaded. Guess what :\, they were more like wallpapers not themes. You have no idea how frustrating that was. I wanted to explode the device. I wanted to set it on fire. I wanted to throw it in water. It won't be tortured though.

So when I was about to text the huge failure to my friends, another 'guess what' question!!!!!!! Guess what? The mobile shows Arabic text from left to right and the characters are separate. O___________________O

Needless to say, I didn't txt them!!

I'm out of energy, I'm out of wit, I'm out of anything in the whole world. I'm depressed =_=.

Fruity

2010-08-05T22:30:00.001+03:00

Hello everyone. I won't be discussing things 'cause to tell you the truth, I'm too lazy to think of something then discuss it :p. Hehehee.. I'll post pictures for fruits which I think they were abundant back in my hometown. I dunno why, but well seems like they were reachable there :p.

Guess Who's Back?

2010-08-04T21:27:00.000+03:00

And here I am xD. After three weeks of no internet connection I'm right here :p. Now, I'm way too exhausted to talk about what happened. In the end, it's three weeks here :p. Too much gossip. heheee. But the one thing that all of you must see, is the pics xD. Instead of 'bala7 al sham' pics in the last post, this vacation was full of fruits!! Too fruity and too awesome.

Without further due, I'll leave you with the best pics I took and I'll see you in another post insha Allah. Take care.

And lastly on my way home.

I'm so happy that I don't have to photoshop anymore :p. Hehehehe

Finished Packing!!

2010-07-17T07:14:00.006+03:00

Don't you just love pre-sundown snacks :p??

I love night views ♥ I think this is Raghdan forest, I'm not sure though!! It's awesome anyway :D

This is a view from my window right after Fajr prayer. My sis was saying something about me being idiot taking pictures all the time. I love this picture. So haunting :p

______________________________________

Once upon a day, I was sitting watching `My Name Is Khan` -and if you have a sharp memory you'd realize that was yesterday- when I got a txt from sis. She said "ask mom when will you guys come here." I ignored and continued weeping on the movie, when I got another txt saying "You idiot did you ask mom?" I thought that was weird :\, I asked my other sis and she said with the coolest face ever "Tomorrow or after."

Things went white for a while.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? Tomorrow or after?? And you're telling me this NOW?? Why the hell didn't you decide to tell me two hours before we start moving, that would be convenient??? Out of extreme frustration, I finished the movie with messed up mood. That's why I always tell people, never be interrupted while watching any movie. You have to drown into the movie's environment :p.

So the weird thing is that Mom didn't made her emergency speech!!! That was very subtle and scary that I was truly scared of the consequences if I didn't know -by complete coincidence- that we're leaving within 36 hours max :p.

Anyhow, you'd think I packed the minute I heard the 'good' news? Nope, I packed at 03:00 a.m. :D. And finished packing, possibly one hour later. Strange thing, I finished quickly!!! I really thought I'd take much time, but well I'm awesome xD. I love when the OCDer me works, she's faster, heheeeeeee.

So the thing is, bro thinks I'm leaving for good from the size of my bags, LOL. I told him to shut up, girls have many many many stuff to use :p. I had three bags really. One medium size for clothes, shoes, and two handbags. The other two were college big sized everyday bag, I might take pictures. But you know accessories bags? Huge, colorful, cheerful. Hehee, those were my 'other two bags' One full of lotions, make up products, jewelries, hair brushes and make up brushes and many other stuff I suppose. The other one was for electronics :p. Laptop, chargers, extra wires, adapters, harddesks, flash drivers, what else? I think that's it!!!

Please please pray that I don't forget anything!!! Mom is already angry and I don't wanna make extra drama and find that I missed stuff there!! One year, I forgot my pants and came with shirts only!!! I had to beg for pants from my sister. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I laugh everytime because I remembered those mice in Cinderella or in any other cartoons :p. They have shirts but no pants. I always laugh at the image. Heheeeee

Okay, this is the last post for now. I'm not sure when will be the next time I sign in because I might be internet-less for a while. So take care :D. Salam

____________________________

P.s. In case you're still wondering where will I be going, it's my hometown, Baljurashi, next to Al-Bahah which I guess is more familiar to most of you :).

P.P.S You know the funny thing is that I found pages for my tiny hometown in wikipedia? :P LOOL

P.P.P.S those pics were from last year!! Hope this one I'd get better pics!! :D. I love night views, they're both haunting and awesome :p.

Two Must Watch Movies

2010-07-16T22:58:00.000+03:00

Okay, few days ago I saw `The Kite Runner` trailer on MBC max. I wasn't excited. I saw the trailer long time before and still I wasn't excited. Anyhow, something got into me. I decided to download the movie and watch it. I couldn't wait till MBC max show it, right? I wanted to read the novel, but I'm too lazy to do so. The point is, just watch the movie. You won't regret it. I can't spoil it. I cried from the very first 15 minutes. And I kept on crying. It's just not fair to keep people in darkness. That's why I'm doing some publicity for the movie. In case you haven't watched it, please do! :) And if you're one of those people who love to read the novel before watching then that would be better. I haven't yet, but all I know is there are a whole lot of details in novels! More than movies can show.

The second movie is `My Name is Khan`. It mainly shows the life of a Muslim man before and after 9/11. I can never stop crying when it comes to this subject. People are mostly afraid of what they don't understand, the media changing the whole facts, thus people get soooo prejudiced about Islam and Muslims and even Indians, the sikhs of them!! Just because they look like Muslims.

The thing is, even though it's been... what, 9 years?? But I think it's post-traumatic effect is there till now!! I can't say how much I wept in this movie. I really believe that everyone should watch it.

One remark, even though it's a movie scenario, I just have to clarify that in Islam, a Muslim man must not marry a Hindu woman. The only two non-Muslim groups that a Muslim man can marry from, is Judaism and Christianity. Given that she's religious herself!!!

Fe aman Allah.

Of Spirituality & Optimism | The 100th Post!!

2010-07-14T02:36:00.001+03:00

I was thinking about a hot topic to discuss since this is my 100th post. *yay me* I know how it feels finally. I've deleted many posts and I've added many. But eventually, the 100th post must be special!

So, how about spirituality and optimism? Seems like a good start. About spirituality, This is the first of Sha'aban -in some countries at least, I'm not sure- or at least my intention to write the post was in the first of Sha'aban. 29 days till Ramadhan starts. I quote sweet friend Trapped when she said that this month is like the pre-exams vacant week. You prepare for Ramadhan. By preparing I don't mean Eid's new clothes :p, or evening special dishes. I mean spiritually preparing. In Jeddah here for example, it's hot already and surviving Ramadhan in this heat is quite difficult. So why don't all of us discipline our bodies and minds prior the beginning of the month? That will definitely help us. And our deeds are ascending so fasting is of two benefits here. Preparing your body for Ramadhan and ending your good deeds with fasting is a rewarding thing to do.

A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless her and grant her peace, said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, used to fast for so long that we thought he would never stop fasting, and he would go without fasting for so long that we thought he would never fast again. I never saw the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, fast for a complete month except for Ramadan, and I never saw him do more fasting in any one month than he did in Shaban.'

عن عائشة رضي الله عنها قالت: « كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يصوم حتى نقول لا يفطر، ويفطر حتى نقول لا يصوم، وما رأيت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم استكمل صيام شهر إلا رمضان وما رأيته أكثر صياماً منه في شعبان »

The bottom line is, Sha'ban is just as precious and important as Ramadhan. And as a matter of fact, Trapped just made a tiny group, she suggested that we try to read one Juz'e (=part) of Quran daily, so we can finish the 30 parts in 30 days. Who's in? I know that I am.

Oh and p.s. Please pray for those who have resit exams, I know for sure that they need bunch of prayers :).

This p.s. leads to another thought that roamed in my brain today!! A friend of mine -met her online- tweeted that she's a big fat failure. I couldn't read and discard. I told her I can come up with stories, she tweeted back that she's all ears, and I gave her the posts to my lowest points I've ever reached. I.e. when I heard that I'm officially a third year repeater student. Starting from this post and finishing in this one. The truth is, I wanted to lift her spirit up. I wanted to show her that no matter how horrible she perceives herself now, someone has perceived him/herself even lower!!! I wanted to show her that 1 year earlier I was that person who cursed and yelled and cried but now as life goes on, I'm back to the normal me. I wanted to show her all that. Failure is temporary. Believe me.

Today I was having a conversation with another friend. After I read my posts. I said to my friend that if someone told me that I'd be okay 1 year from writing that post I'd laugh in mockery!! At that time I thought time has stopped, I'm handicapped, I'm already separated from my friends, and above all, I'm an intruder to a batch I've never liked!!

Right now, even though I acknowledge all these feelings, but I can't live with it anymore. Those who failed, or think they did, or whatever you perceive your actions, imagine with me for a while. Imagine that everything you ever worked for has crashed in less that a minute. Imagine that you've been put on pause for one year. Imagine that your friends will be quite distant from you. Can you imagine the cruelty and awfulness of all that?

Now re-imagine, those friends are distant but always close to stretch a hand out for you. That year is a great investment to figure out a solution to everything, to learn new stuff, to develop the old stuff you already know. And that crashed piece of work you've done, well you can design it now as you want. You're not attached with what's been crashed now, right?

My experience is this. My friends have always been there for me :). No exceptions. Close and distant, shallow and deep, everyone I know and I fought with was standing there for me. So hay, at least I know what friends are for and how important they are!!! During this year, even though I didn't learn French efficiently as I wanted, but I learned about photoshop a lot, I'm a tiny bit better in photography, I'm a good writer -dramatic one- as my friends say. And a new thing I learned, now I'm good at making videos :).

Pauses don't feel good sometimes. But they give you time to reflect, think, re-think, visualize everything as you want it, the way you want, and have it the way you want it.

Life goes on, I dunno how did I survive that experience, not that I care. But here I am, writing my 100th post, alive, happy, optimistic, and honestly genuinely hopeful that I'd inspire anyone who might think for a fraction of a second that they are big fat failures in life.

Hope you're all great :D. Salams.

of Useless Arguments

2010-07-12T02:54:00.001+03:00

Arguments rarely end peacefully. Some arguments end immediately, some 10 minutes later, and some don't even start because they're simply uncomfortable arguments!!!

I had a tiny argument with a friend about relationships. It started with her "You can make anyone fall for you. That's all I'm saying."

"But I don't wanna make people fall for me. Either it happens naturally or never happens at all."

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what we said later. I forgot almost everything. It didn't end well. I said "brb" and wrote a vague twitter status that barely depicts what I feel!! And I get busy with Mom and Sis and a woman who came to visit us.

I find offline messages such as "You're saying brb just to tweet??? 7altik 9a3ba. If you don't want to talk to me then bla bla bla." I don't remember!!!

I dunno what to say. Perhaps it was a mistake of me to act that clumsy but don't you know me so well? You know my ups and downs and you know how much it's uncomfortable this subject is for me. I dunno what I'm expected to say. But please, if you're reading this and you know yourself, please don't bring up this subject again!!!

I think the least you must know, is how much effort it took me to vent all of this out!!!

About Omrah & My Mobile

2010-07-06T18:36:00.000+03:00

As you may know, or not, I've performed Omrah yesterday. Alhamdolillah. I miss Makkah so much that I really hoped this won't end. Unfortunately, we're always caught up by some `business` to do or few commitments to take care of!!!

You know, all I wanted is to sit there, with my laptop :p, and to blog, real time!! Heheee of course to show some respect, this thing isn't an option!! Not in Haram anyway! But I did get few pictures. And no I'm sorry I didn't get pictures of Ka'aba. Dad kept eying me about photography!! It wasn't annoying :p, everyone was taking pictures. Except that everyone were non-Saudi. I keep telling Mom that it has nothing to do with it!! She said "You act like you never seen Makkah before!!"

"Can't I take pictures just because I've seen Makkah :\?? I'd like to keep few pics for memory!!"

Of course that was unnecessary conversation, but Mom had a little extra `Narfaza` mood yesterday. =_=. Without further due, I'd like to show you the pictures :D.

And aren't nephews the cutests??? xD

As for my mobile, it's finally fixed xD. That will be a whole new story. Right now I have some business to do. Take care! :)

Family Night Out

2010-07-03T14:57:00.001+03:00

Long time no post. I don't do or see or get stuff that are worthy of writing about :p. That's why I'm late. So what's new? Other that completely strange dreams, sometimes nightmares, and good quality time with family, there's nothing to mention :\.

I finally decided to tweet xD. I think the site is quite awesome, it's just simply annoying to have to manage to three accounts!! For me, I'm already taken by FB and blogger :p. I don't need something else, but it's good for short sentenced blabbering!! That's why!

Anyhow, despite the fact that I live -since birth- in Jeddah, actually there are so many places that I haven't stepped a foot in!! Many of everything!! Malls, restaurants -I have a plan for restaurants-, cafés, etc. The thing is, either I don't have the energy, the good mood, or the good company to do so, or that I have those three but I'm trapped in this amazing traffic in Jeddah!! BTW, we're always out of time when it comes to mashaweer in Jeddah :p.

So, yesterday we went to Red Sea Mall. It's my second visit to this mall! Why? I've heard so much about it that I was judgmental :p. I shouldn't judge a place by its visitors that's quite annoying! Besides, company matters xD. So we were there and we heard screams and I freaked out, I thought something went wrong, someone fell perhaps? *Saudi thinking, LOL* But then people weren't moving :\. They were staring at something high above. That was even weirder!! I looked at what they're were looking at!! Guess what? Yes you guessed right, a giant screen!! Those people were looking at the match which BTW I have no idea who were the teams, not that I care about but well just to let you know.

So we walked for a while and then we sat somewhere near the giant screen and people were screaming whenever someone scored a goal. You know what? I think I might like football after all :P. I like one thing about world cup this year, the waka waka song and the screams of the crowds xD. I'm a screamoholic!! Heheee. Too bad I didn't take any photos!! See you later xD.

P.s. The post has been edited to remove the fights and yells from Mom during the whole ride. Heheeee

When I Become a Lecturer

2010-06-28T02:55:00.002+03:00

I will do my best to be on time. And I will appreciate every girl who shows up on 08:00 sharp or 09:00 sharp or even 15:00 sharp!!
I will turn my phone off, or put it on silent mode. Nothing shall annoy me during my lecture except my pager!! And I might even throw it away.
I will not allow stupid questions at all. If some girl happened to still ask I will not reply and show her who will win her stupid stubborn game!!! Questions will be heard at the end of the lecture.
I shall never ever ever ever ever ever INSHA ALLAH ever ever ever ever ever have the what-will-we-have-in-exams conversation!!! You study for life!! Not for a f***ing exam!
If I am to put questions in the exams, then I'll make sure that each question equals one mark or half!! This drama play of 4-marks-questions should stop!!
I won't print sheets nor will I give my presentations as long as there is a reliable reference!!! You can rot while studying. It doesn't matter as long as you have ONE, ONE, ONE reference my darling student!!
Girls who talk will be kicked out after 3 warnings. You can sleep, eat, play games, do make up to your friends, watch movies, God you can have sex if you wish just don't make sounds!! Put your expressions on a paper!! :p
Common MCQs or important topics will be out from the first day of the academic year.
Attendance isn't important and will NOT be graded.
I will NOT cause students to sleep.
I'll update my presentations with new photos instead of those I used right after I graduated.
I won't be a pain the ass doc.
I'll do my best to be entertaining.
I'll do my best to inspire my students instead of making them sad and regretful that they ever thought of medicine as a choice of life!!

That's it so far. If I remembered something I'll post it later.

Craziness of The Day!!

2010-06-26T16:26:00.000+03:00

Today is a special day :p, I've seen my friends for the first time in four days :p. Sentimental? Maybe. Anyhow, morning is okay, ophthalmo lecture, ophthalmo tutorial, another ophthalmo tutorial :p.

One of the weird things and actually awesome, but weird, is that babies see in grayscale. All I could think of is "How I wish I can remember." Subconsciously, I looked at Ohood and she said "Too bad I can't remember anything at that time!!" Giggles :p.

By the second tutorial we were exhausted, we couldn't bear any comments, questions, anything at all. At one point I looked at Ohood and said "Why the hell can't they wikipedia those things they ask for?" And it went so bad that girls started sighing behind me. One moment I couldn't take it and I just laughed. Not giggled, laughed :p.

Then the break came up!!! و ما أدراكَ ما البريك!! :p. We had the longest useless won't-change-my-opinion argument ever. Ohood almost lost her voice :p. She deserves it for adopting opinions that I don't like. LOOOL. Dictator-ish? Yes, I guess sometimes I can be even worse. By the end of the long debate we were laughing. I think after all laughing is treatment of all :p. I dunno exactly what we laughed on, but we did laugh hard. Umm, coming to think of it, I think many of the times we laughed were because of talking the same ideas in the same time :p. By the way, I love when such things happen!! It's weird, freaky, creepy, yet it's just de... wait for it... lightful :p. Delightful!!

God, I thought this post would be awesome!!! :\ There were so many things to write about. That's the disadvantage of not holding your pen and piece of paper wherever you go :p.

P.s. I changed Ohood's blog template today. Yay me!! And it's awesome. Oh that skittles addict!! I love her blog's new look :D. Oh speaking of blogs and templates, Ohood thinks that my blog looks like coastal scents 88 palette. I wanted to slap her hard for that, but the library was so quiet :p. I'm gonna pay you back Ohood!! beware :p.

P.p.s Don't fruit look awesome? I've always seen them in huge quantities in TV, Arabic/Islamic historical Ramadan series :p. Now I've seen them in my house. And they look adorable :p.

P.p.p.s The part above was totally for adding anything for this post since it seems so hopeless :p. Take Care.

Things That Make me Tick | Part 2

2010-06-23T03:11:00.001+03:00

Hello all, Bayan is going to kill me!! I can see it coming :p. But well I'll deal with her later. First of all, refer to this post. Read it? Good.

I thought ENT and Ophthalmo are the cutest neatest systems of the year :p. With zero sheets! But my oh my, it's a disease, isn't it? So, I was checking their sheets. First of all, there are books, short interesting cute colored books and every girl has them. Yet they print the powerpoint files. Ugh!! Anyhow, I had to take pictures, I just couldn't.

Bayan said that if I blogged this I'm dead. I told her that I'm going to hold her hands whenever she's cold -which is always by the way and her hands are horribly cold- and she was tempted. What Bayan doesn't know is that I'm no longer going to college :p. Heheeeeee.

So there are the pictures. I'm just too annoyed to ignore the matter :p.

Oh you're most welcome!!

Sheets are never enough, no matter how huge they are!!!

And this is how I see it!! :D

Ms. Blogger

2010-06-18T17:48:00.010+03:00

Assalamo Alaikom all. How's everyone doing? Jum'a Mubaraka :D.

When I first heard of the word blog it was second year I guess. I was checking the batch's blog and downloading some files. Then a friend of mine, Roma, advised me to create a blog myself. I was doubtful in the beginning but ever since then, I couldn't seem to stop writing. Whether it's blabbering, expressing, criticizing, voiding, yelling, screaming, wishing, thanking and many many many others.

The thing is, even though I write for myself mainly, and even though I don't expect to be considered a professional writer -not that I am anyway!!- but there's something about writing that emits a very delightful sensation that I may not be able to describe. And it's not just to me, reading others' posts feels good as well. The way they put their feelings in words, in whatever language we comprehend, it feels good to communicate like that.

During my addiction -which I don't like to be healed from :p- I started to convince my friends to blog as well. I think my first victim turned out to be be an amazing writer. Her blog now has 32 followers and the best thing she's at is sarcasm. Painfully funny sarcasm. I am so glad that I made CoOkie write. The girl is so amazing and entertaining :p. I can check her blog whenever I'm depressed to laugh :D.

My other victim is Coca. I guess you all know the drama. She's my best friend. The girl is lazy as hell :p. But I thought writing might take out some of the stress we all have. She turned out to have that amazing medieval novels style. Her vocabulary is so awesome that it takes you right from where you are and moves you sometime between 14th and 16th century :p.

My other friend, Yasmine, has a very poetic mood. Her vocabulary may seem difficult at first but then once you're set you're swept away!! She's a perfectionist, that's why she writes once per 4 months or so :p. But in the end, a startlingly amazing piece show up, the rest is left to your judgement.

My lovely Ohood is a critic by nature. I forced her - and I say force coz she's still not convinced by the whole blogging thing :p- to create a blog when I thought that her thoughts are much too valuable to be kept to herself :p. Her vocabulary are either harsh or sarcastic, either way you'll always be amused!!

And then, there is Rasha. She's an arguer by nature. Pick a topic and you'll be surprised :p. I do believe that her opinions are much too valuable to be kept for herself. And all she needed was a tiny little push. And I'm glad that I'm the one who pushed her!!

My last victim, few days ago, is Trapped :). She's a passionate person!!! She wanted to blog long time ago but you know how lazy we get sometimes.

There are bloggers whom I didn't affect. But I'm happy to know that they started. Like Afnan as in "Afnan's wisdom of the day". Yasmine finally got her to create a blog and I'm so happy to know that xD.

I love bragging I know :p. You know how did this feel? It felt like a Mother Bird watching her kids learning to fly :p. I just love to know that I affected -in a way or another- a friend or a colleague or anyone in the world and made them do something good :). I'm so proud of my blogger friends :D.

And then there are bloggers whom I met here. I never seen them, never met them, but I'll be so glad if it happened. There's Beyond me, whom by the way I dunno her name :p, there's Ghada, and My Secret Closet and all those blogs about convert sisters. How wonderful is it to meet those people in real life *Dreamy look*.

That's it for the day, you'll notice that Dalia's and Afnan's blogs are empty. They're brand new. Support my friends please :D.

Most recent victs!!!
May I add Huda? It's brand new :p. But I have a feeling she'll rock at it :).