I think I Finally Found My Love

I've never been one of those kids who figured out what they wanted since they were five. I actually thought that's a little bit stupid, and a lie. How can someone with the mind of a 5 years old figure out what they wanna be in life? 

Never mind. I'm sure if I did a study on people who worked what they thought about when they were kids below 18 years old are less than 20% of my sample :p. So to be honest, I've hated to be focusing on one field. How life would be immensely awesome if I could work a completely different profession every month *dreamy look*. 

Of course this is impossible. So when I reached high school, last two years, thinking so hard what would be the awesomest thing to study??? Not because I wanna help people -God I hate this annoying stupid answer so very much- and definitely not because I love medicine (internal medicine باطنة) and not surgery! I know what you're thinking of; "What the fuck is this girl doing here?" And the answer is, I chose medicine because I believed at that time that it's the only field where you get to learn so very many things. And hell yea I learned so many things, but I don't promise you that I still remember any.

Anyhow, so yea now that I established that I disliked (not real hatred) medicine and surgery, that are the sole purpose of the existence of med school and got you asking what I'm doing here, I think I ought to give a detailed answer. 

I never thought ahead for further than 2 years. I just can't. So when I graduated from high school, all I ever cared about is choosing something that I'll enjoy learning. Regardless of the job and other stuff. I was such a hopeless nerd you know :\. Three years passed and whenever I looked around I found people already deciding what they wanna choose for a career and I'm like shit, am I in the right place? How come I never felt close to something or loved something? Well I did loved nervous system module. But then later I decided it's a no no because it falls under either medicine or surgery. I'm a lazy-minded woman I just can't do any of those! 

And then the horrible thing happened after the third year and I began to question if those three years where a complete waste of time? During the fourth year I thought about forensics a lot, but I guess it did need a stone-hearted person. I was just hard-hearted at times. Not stone though :p. So the year passed, vacation passed, and we began family medicine. Needless to say, it was a 5 weeks long nightmare. And even if I had the least intention of ever choosing it (because of financial issues :p) it was gone before I know it due to the amazing professional attitude of the doctors *sarcasm*.

Anesthesia was the-most-amazing-course after the CNS module in third year. It's such a shame that an awesome course as anesthesia is only 2 weeks long :(. They were just SOOOOOOO organized! After the horror movie that is called family medicine I craved a huge dose of organization. Tiny little note about their organization, you know how I always comment about printed power points and viewed word files?? And how it makes me tick to see docs misusing them? Well the anesthesia docs happen to copy-paste the lecture in a word file so it would be easy on the eye when you study *faints* The funny thing, actually sad, even after what docs done and copy pasting, I found some girls printing the damned presentations and studying from them. When a girl asked them "why do you study from the ppt and not the word? They're both available" the girl answered that the ppt has more space and this gives the illusion of little to study. 

=______________= 

Needless to say that I wanted to stab that idiot! Really??? REALLY???? You've been permanently KAUized. The damage is done! 

So after two weeks of a sweet dream that's called anesthesia, we woke up to experience yet another lovely dream that is called psychiatry. And people, I fell in love. It's just amazing how mind works. How drugs work, how some elements have a huge role on the creation of the illness, it's just plain awesome! You know the medical student who've seen some rare case and instead of feeling sorry for the patient they involuntarily felt happy that they encountered such a case before they die? Well I feel the exact same. 

So many people say that psychiatry is horrible for millions of reasons. Some people say I'll end up being crazy if I ever chose it. I remember Mom reactions whenever I came up with a suggestion. 

"I wanna be a neurologist!! :D" 

"Are you actually gonna treat people or just diagnose them? What's the point?"

"I wanna be a forensic doctor :D. That's final :D"

"WHAT???? YOU WANNA HAVE GANGS AUCTIONING YOUR HEAD?"

"Okay Mom, last thing, and I won't change it, I wanna be a psychiatrist :D."

"And end up with the patients in the same ward?"

But STILL, this is the only thing I'm passionate about -and genetics, I just realized, but never thought of it as a profession!- for now. It feels so good to find your lost love :p. I feel home again! I dunno how but at least when someone asks me next time "What do you wanna be?" I'd have an answer to shove it up their noses.*

Oh and read this doc's posts on medscape. She also has her own blog. But read the medscape one. Good night.